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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28664931">time drags me away</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/khrilocke/pseuds/khrilocke'>khrilocke</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adora (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Adora (She-Ra) has ADHD, Adora Needs Therapy (She-Ra), Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Sports, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Catra (She-Ra) Acts Like a Cat, F/F, Fluff, Humor, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Lesbian Disaster Adora (She-Ra), Lesbian Disaster Catra (She-Ra), Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Service Dog!Swiftwind, Sexual Tension, Shadow Weaver | Light Spinner (She-Ra)'s A+ Parenting, Slow Burn, Texting, Therapy Cat Melog (She-Ra), friends to idiots to lovers, like when i say slow burn i mean it</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 06:22:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>21,192</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28664931</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/khrilocke/pseuds/khrilocke</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>20-year-old Adora knows only one thing, and that is being <i>here</i>, on a soccer field - that's what home was supposed to feel like. It is where she belongs, even if the one person who helped make it home was no longer here.  Even if that one person had disappeared from her life 2 years ago, without even a text or a call or a letter or any- </p><p>The field was her home. </p><p>That is, until that same person who made her love soccer so much, appears again. On her field. Practically strutting into <i>her</i> home unannounced.<br/>---------<br/>a modern (best friends to sad idiots to passive-aggressive teammates to friends to sad idiots to lovers) university soccer au. in this, catra was the one who left adora.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Bow/Glimmer (She-Ra), Kyle/Lonnie/Rogelio (She-Ra), Mermista/Sea Hawk (She-Ra), Netossa/Spinnerella (She-Ra), Perfuma/Scorpia (She-Ra)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>127</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. BUBBLE GUM DOWN MY THROAT</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hello!! this is my first fic, and actually first time writing in like...2 years? 3? because I had very bad writers block for a long time ahodugsadgjksa<br/>this first chapter is pretty short, but that's just because it's a quick set up for the rest of the story, and I'm a slut for cliffhangers<br/>also, in this fic...idk how long it'll be yet, but ill be exploring adoras adhd a LOT, because I haven't seen ppl rly go into it, and also her anxiety.<br/>i will also be flipping in between both adora and catras povs a lot,,,<br/>and this will be angsty and it WILL be like...such a fucking slow burn it'll be painful because they're traumatized idiots<br/>in later chapters, subjects like alcoholism, past attempted suicide, child abuse, and panic attacks will be prevelevant!! i will put trigger warning ofc but plz be careful.<br/>ALSO ALSO this will prolly be updated very sporadically, but AT LEAST once a week. more than likely yall will get like... 3 chapters a week idk<br/>anyways that's all of my ramble plz enjoy</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>[May 8th, Senior Year]</b>
</p><p>The static in her ears drowned out the crowd’s cheers. Blue eyes set on counting every blade of grass disrupted by her cleats. Freezing cold rain surrounded her, but it couldn’t compare to the empty chill that was spreading throughout her chest. They won. Why wasn’t she happy? Why did she suddenly feel so suffocated? Why did this feel like the end to an era? Why couldn’t she breathe? </p><p>This win had secured her future. Why did it feel like she was no longer fighting for anything? </p><p>Although this wasn’t the first time she felt like this, nor the last, for some reason that would soon reveal itself, this was the worst of it all. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>[Present Day]</b>
</p><p>If someone had told little 10-year-old Adora that today, 20-year-old Adora would be laying down in her own apartment, in a prestigious university she got in using a soccer scholarship, with her two best friends surrounding her - she simply wouldn’t believe it. Adora now, actually couldn’t even believe it. As she looked towards her two friends taking up the other side of the couch, debating about the hellish stuff on the news, passing back and forth a protein bar, she could barely process it. Though, the fact they were taking bites out of the same <i>protein bar</i> of all things definitely didn’t help. She didn’t even wanna think about many germs they were passing back and forth with that. </p><p>Shaking her head softly to try to remove that dastardly image, she sat up straighter. She eyed the remote on the table, quickly glancing back at Bow and Glimmer. A quick debate echoed in her head on whether or not she should risk her move, a list of pros and cons appearing. </p><p>Pros: no more news and they would be on time for soccer try-outs. Knowing those two dumbasses next to her, they would lose track of time and end up being there right as try-outs began. Which, in her book, wasn’t good at all. Getting there early was essential to impress the coaches (<i>even though all three of them were guaranteed starter spots... they still needed to make a good impression, contrary to Glimmer and Bow’s beliefs and urges for Adora to relax</i>). </p><p>Cons: Glimmer and Bow would direct their attention onto HER, which was arguably worse. They might even catch on to the way she was fidgeting, the underlying anxiety of the day already getting the better of her. Adora loved the both of them dearly (<i>they were her best friends, and maybe the only people she’d been able to open up to since...She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named</i>) but their ability to read her so well really put her on edge. </p><p>With another few seconds cycling back and forth through the lists, she took one last look at them (<i>they were <b>STILL</b> sharing the protein bar oh my god that is dis-</i>) Adora quickly reached forth and snatched the remote off the coffee table, turning off the Tv and promptly tossing the remote over her shoulder. (<i>Later, she would discover that the remote had nestled itself perfectly in the potted plant in the corner of the room, after a solid 20 minutes of the three of them stripping the apartment looking for it.</i>)</p><p>“Okay, but there is literally no way that Mayo Pet-” “Glimmer I would rather have a gay capitalist than an o-” Bow and Glimmer’s simultaneous conversation came to a halt as they both realized that the TV was no longer radiating background noise. (<i>Adora had known them for 2 years now, and still could never understand how they were both able to talk at the same time and completely understand the other</i>) They both blinked - at the same time of course - before turning their heads back to Adora. </p><p>“Why?” They both quirked their head to the side, thought Glimmer was the one that spoke. </p><p>“It’s,” A swift glance to her watch, “8:01. We need to start heading to soccer try-outs.”<br/>
“But-”</p><p>“No. We need to go. Else you both will make it so all of us don’t get a warm-up.” </p><p>They both blinked again, taking a moment to process, before nodding. They broke the last bit of their protein bar in half (<i>Why had it taken them so long to split in half?</i>), trading them before getting up and heading towards their separate rooms. </p><p>Adora huffed, standing and making her way to her room. The moment she entered, Swiftwind perked up from his little bed settled to the side, the border collie staring her down. She stared back for a moment. The staring became a contest, neither one of them moving and seeing who would finally give in. With a movement that probably would have been an eye roll, if a dog could do that, Swiftwind trotted over to her and butted his head against her hand. A soft smile pulled at the corners of Adora’s lips, and she pet him until he was satisfied. After a moment, he returned to his bed and plopped back down. </p><p>Quickly changing into a pair of black shorts and a tank top, Adora went through her morning routine as fast as she could - ponytail, check, brushed teeth, check, Swiftwind’s food, check - before leaving her room in a jog. Adora was already full of energy, a hype that always came when she was preparing for soccer. </p><p>Bow and Glimmer were already waiting by the door, coffees in hand. Bow tossed 2 protein bars her way, and they were off.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>-----------------------------------</p>
</div>The moment she stepped out of the car, Adora felt like an entire weight had been lifted off her chest. The smell of clean-cut grass surrounded her, the sound of coaches’ discussion, and the sight before her always seemed to warm her up from the inside. Who needed therapy when you had <i>this</i>? The feeling of euphoria Adora got whenever she found herself at a soccer field was incomparable with any medication, and any amount of <i>‘talking about her feelings’</i>, whatever that was.<p>Soccer had been her guardian angel (<i>along with her</i>), her savior (<i>like her</i>), and her lifeline (<i>like <b>HER</b></i>) since she was young. When she felt suffocated at her foster homes, she would always find herself here, on a field, with the only thing she needed to worry about was the ball. This was all she really needed, and all she had when she had nothing, WAS nothing. </p><p>Grabbing her ball out of the trunk of Glimmer’s Nissan versa, she dropped it onto the ground and watched in fascination at the bounce off the payment. With a smirk, she swiftly punted it away and set off sprinting after it. Her favorite game of cat (...) and mouse. </p><p>As she took off, she could distantly hear Glimmer’s soft laugh, and Bow’s quiet “There she goes again.” </p><p>The feeling of her cleats finally connecting with the grass was a relief, and with every step, all of her worries rolled off her shoulders. A bright smile radiated off her as she began her warm-ups, beginning to dribble as she caught up to her ball. As she headed to her favorite little corner of the field, she did a handful of tricks, feeling out her movements and adjusting into the zone. A snort left her when she heard a distant shout, something resembling “SHOW OFF” coming from behind her. </p><p>Finally making it to the far left corner, she came to a skidding halt and began. Although the team all warmed up together, Adora was always careful when it came to her physical condition - it’s why she always dragged Glimmer and Bow here at the least 15 minutes early. She had her own set of stretches and her own way of warming up that she needed to complete in order to calm the anxiety buzzing in her brain at all times. </p><p>With every stretch, she felt her body calm down, settling into a nice, positive buzz. Every touch of the body calmed her breathing, and soon enough, she felt completely in tune with herself. Before she knew it, 15 minutes flew by. </p><p>“Adora!” A masculine shout echoed through the field.</p><p>Popping the ball up with her foot and into her arms, Adora turned around and took off in a jog to centerfield, where Micah resided. </p><p>“Are we ‘bout to start?” Adora quirked her head to the side, finally taking notice of people finally beginning to come in. It was a big turnout this year, even for the Brightmoon Rebels. </p><p>“Yeah! We’re actually about to do introductions! As you can see, there’s a lotta newbies trying out this year, and since your captain, I was ho-” With one look, everything Micah was saying was drowned out by a familiar, but unwelcome static returning to her ears. There was no way. No. <i>Fucking.</i> Way.<br/>
A familiar lithe body was jogging up to a woman with goalkeeper gloves and white hair, not even 15 feet away. It was when that body came to a stop, that an even more familiar pair of eyes settled on Adora. Blue and yellow. It was only a single moment that their eyes met, but everything else had fallen away. </p><p>She was here. She was. Alive? </p><p>She-who-must-not-be-fucking-named was <i>here</i>.</p><p>It was in that moment, with static buzzing in her ears and a cold feeling gripping her, that Adora felt all her worries, burdens, and <i>feelings</i> come crushing back down on her. </p><p>“Fuck.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. shooting stars never fly for me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"Adora...we’ll be friends forever, right?” Catra’s voice was meek, a little fear ringing in the back of her head that this moment would not last. That Adora would leave just like every other damn person she’s cared about. That all of this would be for nothing. Just the thought was enough to make Catra begin to tense once again, a spiral beginning already - until Adora's grip on her forearms tightened. As if she could tell. </p><p>“Of course. Friends forever.” With just that confirmation, Catra relaxed, pulling Adora even closer and nestling her face into the crook of the blonde’s neck. Adora would be here to stay. That was the only promise she needed.</p><p>Adora was her home. "</p><p>Catra's sad, meets Adora, comes out, and then sees Adora again. A big fight ensues. </p><p>This chapter is split into 6 parts - the first 3 being flashbacks, then the present, then another flashback, and finally back to the present. After the next chapter, we will be (mostly) be staying in the present.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello!! when i said last chapter was short for me,,,, i meant it. welcome to 10k words of backstory and fighting. but i PROMISE we are GETTING PLACES FOLKS.<br/>i don't know if I've explained the basis for this story, but aside from being a soccer au, I REALLY wanted to explore what it would've been like if Catra had left Adora, and explore Adora genuinely being angry at Catra instead of forgiving her in like...one chapter for her shitty actions, and also just explore their relationship, trauma and how much it can affect the way you perceive n treat relationships, and just,,,mental health as a whole. when I said this was a sad slow burn, I meant it. they'll be happy,,,eventually. i promise<br/>finally, I will be posting a new chapter probably every 2 to 4 days!!<br/>creds to my gf for helping edit, and to my best friend kennedy for ALSO helping me edit, and being the voice of Adora when it comes to the dialogue!! <br/>also, if you wanna reach out and like,,,ask me stuff?? or find out when I post a new chapter?? idk, I made a <a href="https://twitter.com/khrilocke">twitter</a>! </p><p>TW: mentions of child abuse, lots and lots of language because Catra says fuck basically every other sentence, and also a lot of self hatred/self sabotage. please don't be like catra, it's not healthy</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>[October 25th, 10 years old]</b>
</p><p>Crystal held her hand delicately as she walked into the house for the first time. It was simplistic, homey, overwhelmingly suburban. A 2 story house, nestled in a cul de sac, surrounded by identical houses and likely identical families. From the moment she stepped in, Catra D’riluth knew this was going to be a short visit. </p><p>Growing up in the foster system is never fun, but that was common knowledge. Catra, then at the young, ‘innocent’ age of ten, had been in the system her whole life. Although Crystal had never outright said it, it was easy for her to assume that there were only two scenarios that landed her in this hellish system. One, her parents were dead. Two, they abandoned her. Although a small part of her had been hoping for a long time that suddenly, her long lost parents would appear, sweep her into their warm arms and take her to a place she could call <i>home</i>, the pessimist was always winning. They were dead. Even if they weren’t, they sure were fucking dead to her now - they left her to this hell for ten years of life now, arguably the time where a child needed love the most. </p><p>Sure, she did get love - sporadically. Crystal, her lovely social worker, seemed to care for her quite a bit, even though she was “a pain in the ass”, according to many of her foster parents. Crystal seemed adamant about staying on her case, and had been for as long as Catra could remember. The tall woman with the blonde bob truly was the closest thing to a mother she had, and Catra only ever saw her amidst rotations between houses.</p><p>Maybe, subconsciously, that’s why Catra never allowed herself to stay in a house very long. Every single fight and disturbance she caused was just a ‘cry for help’ to see the person who became a sort of mother to her. That could have been a great excuse for her to use to compensate for her rambunctious behavior and her aggressive tendencies that seemed to always rip up her chances at staying anywhere long.</p><p>It was just <i>her</i>, though. Every one of those actions, no matter the excuse, was her being a ‘piece of shit’, a term adopted by many of the families who looked after her. Adopted, like she would never be.</p><p>Being a magicat never helped either. Growing up in the system, you already learn rule after rule after rule, but her own instincts were always out to make her worse than a typical human child. Her claws required kneading, whether it be carpet or furniture, and if they got ‘ruined’ it wasn’t <i>her</i> fault. When she needed to burrow in a fresh, warm pile of laundry, and got fur everywhere, it wasn’t <i>her</i> fault. It was what came with being a growing magicat.</p><p>That never mattered to the foster parents though. </p><p>Whether she was met with force, or a shout, or even just a disappointed look, there were always consequences just for being <i>her</i>. </p><p>That’s why, as she creeped into her new ‘home’, with her new foster parents <strike>of the week</strike>, she knew this wouldn’t last. One look at the kind looking man and woman was all she needed to know that they wouldn’t keep her. No one ever did. </p><p>So a week later, when she looked up to the man and woman on the porch, giving her that <i>look</i>, she knew her time was up already. She had just been running around the backyard, <i>playing</i> like any normal kid, and had gotten into the flower beds without noticing. Around her small body laid a graveyard of crumpled and broken flowers, mud caking her legs and arms. The carcass of a rose bush was settled a few feet away, a necessary sacrifice in order to avoid thorns whilst digging.</p><p>In Catra’s defense, she needed her prized possession. The one thing that she held onto for dear life throughout all her houses. A deflated soccer ball that was so beaten up and muddy that you could barely tell that it was formerly red and white. </p><p>Crystal was there the next day to pick her up.</p><p>
  <b>[November 1st, 11 Years old]</b>
</p><p>It had been two weeks at Catra’s newest home, and she didn’t hate it. It was a shitty little group home with too many kids, but it was better than the fake little suburban wonderlands, or the disastrous drug dens in disguise that she’d always find herself in. For once, she’d even gotten along with some of the other kids. Lonnie, Kyle, and Rogelio - a trio she’d grown quite fond of, even though she and Lonnie butted heads like all hell, and Kyle was a scrawny little pussy boy who was just too gullible for his own good. Rogelio was definitely the one she vibed with the most out of the three - a deaf lizardman, he was quiet (obviously) but a calm presence. She would never admit to it, but she already felt a sort of attachment to the dude. He even started teaching her sign language. </p><p>She’d definitely been in far worse places, although Catra had yet to decide if she wanted to stick around or not. </p><p>A perk that she definitely enjoyed though is that, due to the insane amount of kids at the group home, she could basically do whatever she wanted. That’s what led the magicat there; a little park, that even had an (albeit shitty) soccer field. Two rusted goals laid on opposite ends of the overgrown field, with the familiar white paint she’d seen on TV faded to all hell amongst the weeds. To anyone who’d been to an actual field, it would probably be unplayable, but in Catra’s eyes, it was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen. </p><p>An uncontrollable smile curled on her lips, her fangs showing briefly before she took off in a run, throwing down her shitty ball. Said ball now had all it’s stitching exposed, and was probably a handful of kicks from exploding, but Catra could care less. Now that she had a <i>park</i> nearby - that was a five minute walk at most - she could easily steal a new one if she really needed to. </p><p>Catra finally had a place. No more forcing her foster siblings to play with her in shitty backyards, and getting in trouble for making a mess. No more getting snapped at for practicing in the house. She had <i>here</i>. A <i>home</i>. </p><p>Excitement buzzing off of her in waves, she sprinted as fast as her little body could handle, heading straight for the rusted goal. This was going to be her first goal. </p><p>With every step, every kick, every breath, she felt herself tune more into the ball and the field. Tunnel vision took over, and all she could focus on was the goal. Imagination taking over, Catra could hear the cheers of an entire stadium, cheering her on as she got closer and closer to freedom. She was so very close. Two more steps. One. Rearing back, preparing for the perfect kick that would send that ball sailing-</p><p>Her entire dream came crashing down when another body smashed into her, tackling her to the ground.</p><p>For a moment, Catra couldn’t believe it. There was no way that just happened, right? No way someone literally fucking rammed into her RIGHT as she was nearing the end of the best damn daydream she’d ever had, and the closest damn thing to happiness she’d felt in years. </p><p>A snarl started rumbling through her before she could think about it, pure anger overtaking her as she wondered what kind of fucking joke this is. What fucking nitwit would <i>dare</i> interrupt her. In a quick movement, she threw the body off of her, claws drawn. </p><p>When her glare finally settled on the idiot, she was met with the brightest blue she had ever seen.</p><p>Catra D’riluth didn’t pause in the middle of her attacks. For an eleven-year-old, she was fucking vicious. She didn’t stop until she <i>won</i>. But the moment she met the other pair of eyes, all her anger seemed to flare down almost instantaneously. It’s then she realized that blue eyes was <i>talking</i>. </p><p>“-rry I am so so sorry oh my god I can’t believe I- wait, are you okay?! I was chasing after my ball and I was going for the goal and I kinda zoned out, like, tunnel vision, I guess... and I don’t know how I didn’t see you! I am so sorry. I’m sorry. Are you alright?” A squeaky voice echoed through the air, rambling over heavy breaths. Catra’s gaze flickered down for a moment, noticing a gap in the middle of the other girl’s teeth, before taking in the rest of her. </p><p>A tight blonde ponytail, with some...weird little poof? On the top of her head. Scrawny. Baggy clothes. Young, like her. And still <i>talking</i>. </p><p>“Do you always talk so much?” Catra finally muttered, snapping out of whatever trance the dumb blonde idiot put her in. </p><p>The blonde finally paused her ramble, taking a breath before nodding. </p><p>“Oh, right, sorry. Sorry. I just got, um, I just ramble, a lot, and don’t even think about it, and-”</p><p>“That doesn’t mean keep talking.” </p><p>“Oh. Okay.” The girl finally shut up, staring at Catra with those damn bluer-than-life eyes.</p><p>For a moment, they sat there, staring at each other in an awkward silence, before Catra remembered where exactly they were.</p><p>“Fuck!” The magicat squeaked out, before scrambling up. “Where’s my ball?”</p><p>As she stood though, the blonde idiot grabbed her arm. Glancing back, Catra took notice that those blue eyes had transformed into a glare. </p><p>“Profanity is bad! Especially at our age! Oh! Right, that’s assuming you’re my age...I’m eleven, by the way. What was I… Profanity is bad! And you-” She had the audacity to be lecturing, right now! When her ball could be at risk! Rolling her eyes, Catra ripped away her arm, stalking off in a random direction and beginning a sweep for her prized possession. That’s when she took notice of another ball - same size as hers, but in far better condition. Newer. Blue and white. </p><p>Catra grabbed the ball and whirled around, looking at the other girl who <i>had been talking this entire time</i>?</p><p>“You play soccer?” Catra abruptly cut off whatever ramble blondie was on, an unfamiliar feeling (thinking back, it might’ve been hope) sneaking into her belly. </p><p>“...Yeah. Do you?”</p><p>For the second time that day, a massive grin spread across Catra’s face, her fangs displaying themself to the world. It was a new record. It was rare to see anything more than a blank face or a smirk on the magicat’s face. </p><p>“Let’s play then! Come on!” With that exclamation, Catra threw the ball to the ground, and took off.</p><p>“Wait! Waitwaitwait!!!” The girl scrambled off the ground, but nothing could stop Catra now as she took off to the goal. </p><p>“What’s your name?!” The shout echoed through the empty park, and as much as she didn’t want to admit it, that made her slow down her sprint. Only a little bit.</p><p>“Catra!”</p><p>“Hey Catra! I’m Adora!”</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>-------------</p>
</div>That night, when Catra finally snuck back into her home, the trio saw her, and all three of them did a double take.<p>Catra D’riluth was <i>smiling</i>.</p><p>And caked in mud, but that was far less unusual.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>[March 15th, 13 years old] </b>
</p><p>It had been two years now, since that fateful day when Catra found herself at a dingy little park with a dumb, talkative blonde girl. For once, Catra found herself doing everything she could to stay here, in Horde City, though she’d never admit why. She would never admit why she stopped getting in <i>as</i> many fights (asking her to stop fighting completely was like telling a dog to stop barking - it was unnatural), why she started saying please and thank you to her foster parents, and why she had gotten...friends of all things. </p><p>Catra had never been one for friends. When you’re a foster child, all you know is the endless cycle of rotations - friends were useless when there was always a chance for you to get sent away in the middle of the night, any attachments disappearing in the blink of an eye. There was no point in being nice if you could never keep people close. It was a lesson Catra learned young, her futile attempt at having friends always ending in either fights or that familiar midnight flight to another home, far far away. Even if it wasn’t for the foster system's awful care of its children, the magicat was rough and angry, two qualities not exactly sought out by other kids. </p><p>That’s what made these two years so irregular amongst Catra’s track record. That’s why every single time Crystal stopped by or called for a check-up (each of them getting farther and farther apart, to Catra’s dismay), that she constantly talked about how <i>proud</i> she was of Catra’s ‘progress’ and ‘ability to adapt’. The woman even had the audacity to ask so many new questions about her life. Questions like “why did you do that?” and “what do you want to do next?” transformed into “so, can I meet your new friends?” and “how are your grades?” It was so…<i>normal</i> that it always left Catra with a bad taste in her mouth, unable to give anything more than a few short answers and a brisk goodbye to the woman who had become the only good mother figure in her life. </p><p>Though, maybe part of her just wasn’t ready to share exactly what made Horde City so special, in fear of it being suddenly ripped from her claws, like every other time she had gotten comfortable. </p><p>The special things about Horde City were things that not many people who had natural upbringings would take much mind of. There was the shitty park that would become more and more overgrown with every visit. There was the kind homeless man who would always tell Catra a story on her way to the school - a quick one, but that didn’t really matter to her, since you would never see the magicat there on time. The dusty air always smelling faintly of fog due to the dozens of factories around the city. The cracks and potholes littering the pavement that became as familiar as the back of her own hand. The way every season’s transition to the next wasn’t that noticeable - Horde City was lucky to get a short flurry of snow in winter, or a patch of flowers in spring. It rarely even got hot in summer, and fall didn’t even really exist - the trees were always fairly barren year round. </p><p>So many little details that made Catra feel more at home in this gentrified (big word she just learned!), off brand silicone-valley city than she ever had in the many, many foster homes she had the misfortune of attending. </p><p>It was here where her friends resided, the signature trio still living at the same group home and now going to the same school as her. Lonnie was still as snappy as ever, and although they were as mean to each other as ever, it was in an almost <i>affectionate</i> (disgusting) way. Kyle was as fun to push around as ever, if not more now that he was suffering from puberty. Catra and Lonnie made a game where they would connect the pimples on Kyle’s face with sharpie while he was asleep, and time how long it took for him to notice. </p><p>Their current record was two days - what a fucking idiot. </p><p>Rogelio was also as kind and calm as ever. It was relaxing to just hang out with him after being in school all day, signing back and forth to each other and talking shit about basically everybody. It was especially fun when she brought up Kyle, and although lizard people weren’t <i>known</i> for being able to blush, Rogelio certainly was with any mention of the blonde idiot. Catra always made sure to give him as much shit as possible every single time. Though, she really couldn’t say anything - there was always a blonde idiot on her mind too. Not like she’d ever tell the trio about her. </p><p>That was her most precious secret. After watching Lord of the Rings, she felt a little too connected with Golem and how he treated his ‘precious’. It actually became a common occurrence for Catra to do an impression of the scraggly, creepy little dude to get a laugh out of her <i>own</i> precious. Her lifeline. Her guardian angel. The idiotic blonde goody two shoes that never shut the fuck up became the biggest reason she stayed in Horde City.</p><p>Adora. Her biggest secret that she had kept from both Crystal and the trio - the dirty little secret she would never admit to having. </p><p>Though, to other people, it wasn’t very much of a secret. The two of them were basically inseparable; same classes, same team, same walk home, same everything. The one day Catra came down with a cold, Adora had apparently forgotten how to function the whole day, and somehow had gotten lost in their decaying little middle school without the magicat guide keeping her zoned in on her surroundings. Catra, of course, made sure to ridicule the fuck out of her when she found out. </p><p>Adora home had basically become Catra’s. Her two moms, Light Hope and Mara, welcomed her with open arms the moment she stepped through the door. After many sleepovers and late nights where Catra slipped through Adora’s window (Mara always coming in the next morning, unsurprised to see the familiar magicat), they had even begun joking that Catra was more like their daughter than Adora. Though it was just a simple joke, each time they said it, Catra was filled with a warm feeling that always left her with a smile and a purr. </p><p>Maybe that’s what a real home was supposed to make you feel. Content and happy. </p><p>Today was no different when it came to the duos schedule either. Adora walked alongside Catra as they made their way to the familiar park, the sun’s last rays slowly slipping away. Soccer practice was today, so they had to stay at the school longer than necessary, and then Adora just <i>had</i> to spend almost a hour talking to the coach whilst Catra propped herself against the wall of the locker room. </p><p>Every time it happened, Catra mocked Adora for being such a goody two shoes, and threw a mini fit. Deep down though, she didn’t care. She actually enjoyed watching how animated Adora would get talking to Coach, rambling about new strategies she had looked into in the time between this practice and the last. It was one of the many moments where Catra found herself entranced by the blonde - but, there was no way in hell she could ever admit to it, and she had the reputation of ‘being a big fucking bitch’ to uphold. She’d rather submit herself to an eternity of watery torture in Hell than be that level of vulnerable and open. Sorry Adora. </p><p>Tuning back into reality, she glanced next to her. Adora was rambling as usual, and although she always knew Catra was barely listening, she had mentioned something about feeling <i>safe</i> enough around Catra to just, continue talking without caring. She didn’t want to admit the warmth that spread through her body when the blonde confided in her about something like that so simply. </p><p>“-so then there’s this animatronic that, when they appear, is like, <i>instant death</i>. It’s golden, and it’s rare, but I’ve gotten them too many times and it’s really really annoying especially because,” Adora glanced back at Catra, checking to see if she was tuned in. A stupidly bright smile appeared on her face when she met Catra’s eyes, and she continued. “You know how bad I am at horror games, so constantly getting super instant death is so annoying, <i>especially</i> when I finally make it to like, 5 a.m. on the final night. I’ve been stuck for the past two days because everytime I finally find time to play, it just keeps happening, and it’s just…” Adora ended her infodump with a series of exaggerated movements and grumbles, and Catra couldn’t help the cackle that escaped her at the sight. </p><p>“You’re an idiot, you know that right?” The magicat smirked, bumping her hip against Adora and cackling when she scrambled to regain her balance. “And, have I mentioned, oh so graceful?”</p><p>“Ah, well the compliment offsets the idiot remark, pemdas, you’re obsessed with me.” Adora snapped back, rolling her eyes and giving her best attempt at a frown. It was pathetic, and she could see the muscles around her mouth twitching to return to her usual smile. </p><p>“I literally don’t even like you.” Catra scoffed as the two of them reached the park. </p><p>The sun had finally fallen, the night sky coming out to greet the duo with twinkling stars. The smirk that seemed to be permanently glued to Catra’s features transformed into a soft grin as she finally came to a stop at the center of the dingly little park, her gaze set on the sky. Even with the ever present light pollution - they were too many factories and lights in the city for the sky to ever be really clear - it was a beautiful fucking sight. </p><p>Finally ripping her eyes away from the sky, she looked back towards Adora, who was...looking at her? The moment their eyes met (Catra couldn’t help taking notice of the fact part of the sky was reflected in those stupid bright fucking blues) she immedietely felt her cheeks heat up. It was another thing that was on Catra’s list of “things I would rather kill God than admit to”. The way Adora’s blue eyes had captivated since that fateful day at this exact park. The way that, in her eyes, that stupid idiotic dumb blonde who could barely go a minute without talking was, without a doubt, the most captivating and beautiful person she could imagine. The way Catra couldn’t help the constant onslaught of dirty good-for-nothing <i>feelings</i> and <i>warmth</i> and other stupid gooey shit that seemed to ooze through her veins anytime she was around the blonde. God. She really was that fucking gay, huh? </p><p>In what felt like an eternity, but was actually more like a single second, Catra finally looked away, instead occupying her mind with the cluster of trees on the outskirts of Force Park (what a stupid name). An idea dawned on her, and without a second thought, she was decking it towards the tree with a mischievous smirk. </p><p>She needed to climb one of those damn trees. She needed to be closer to the stars <strike>and ignore the fact her and Adora just kinda maybe had a moment</strike>. </p><p>As she made her way to the trees, she could hear Adora scrambling behind her to follow. After two years of friendship, they had settled into a familiar pattern; Adora gets to talk as much as she wants with Catra listening roughly half of the time, and Catra gets to do whatever hijinks her impulses ask of her with Adora always wordlessly following after her. It was one of their many moments of wordless communication and agreement that was part of why they seemed to get along so very well. </p><p>Reaching the cluster within moments, Catra smirked, before scaling the nearest tree with ease. Her claws always made climbing almost annoyingly easy. </p><p>Reaching the tallest sturdy branch, she easily situated herself up there, shifting into a comfortable position. One leg propped, one dangling, and her head propped up against the base of the tree - it was an abnormal position, but you know what they say. Gay people don’t know how to sit properly. </p><p>As she set her gaze to the sky, Catra was reminded how much she loved Horde City’s unconventional weather. Although they were at the start of Spring, pathetic leaves were barely sprouting from the skeletal tree, giving her an undisrupted gaze of the sky. The tree wasn’t even that tall, 20 feet off the ground at the most, but the feeling of just being closer to those stars gave her a familiar glowing feeling. Happiness. </p><p>That joy was disrupted when a hand grabbed her arm and jolted her out of her thoughts with a yelp. For a moment, she had completely forgotten about her companion - and also, definitely wasn’t expecting Adora to even be able to climb the tree, yet alone that fast. </p><p>Heterochromatic eyes settled at the sight next to her. Adora, the idiot, was currently holding onto her arm and a poor skinny branch like her life depended on it. A frustrated crease of her eyebrows and a little bit of her tongue poked out of her mouth. She was concentrating too hard again, and from the pleading look she was giving Catra, she was also absolutely clueless about what to do next. What an idiot. </p><p>With an amused roll of her eyes, Catra reached down, grabbing hold of both of Adora’s arms and helped pull her up onto the same sturdy branch. Adora had to awkwardly climb over her to get onto the branch - she knew how particular Catra was about her sitting positions - and there was a weird scuffle and adjustment, but eventually, they both were settled. Both of them were a little out of breath, but they were happy. </p><p>“You know, trying to keep up with you without even an explanation with what’s going on is <i>really</i> annoying.” Adora muttered, leaning against the magicat. </p><p>“You didn’t have to come up here. Not my fault you can’t properly climb a tree. Idiot.” Catra’s words were always aggressive, always mean, but in this moment, they were soft. Even ‘idiot’ was laced with disgusting amounts of affection. Adora was basically laying on top of her, the branch not fit for much distance between two people. Affection between the two of them was nothing new - they shared a bed on the regular - but it always had the same effect. It softened Catra’s rough edges, and calmed down her constant biting words with a single touch. She hated and loved it at the same time. </p><p>“I <i>did</i> have to come up here, actually. We’re best friends. Even if you end up being the literal death of me because I fall off a tree and break my neck and arm simultaneously.” </p><p>“Sucks. You signed up for it.” </p><p>“Yeah. I did.” </p><p>Hearing those words, all breath was sucked out of Catra by a metaphorical fucking vaccum. Looking at the stars above, with her best friend <strike>who she might be in love with</strike> basically laying on her, and she dares say three simple words with so much <i>kindness</i> and <i>affection</i> and <i>conviction</i>. Like it was some sort of fucking promise in disguise. Like Catra was <i>worth</i> something to the blonde. </p><p>She didn’t know what to fucking do, or how to respond. </p><p>So of course, she said the only words she could think of. The only words on her mind in that moment that didn’t involve basically proposing to Adora right then and there.</p><p>“I’m gay.”</p><p>‘<i>Fuck.</i>’</p><p>Catra immediately tensed up when seconds of painful silence passed. Adora was <i>silent</i>. For the first time in the two years that Catra had known her, Adora had shut fucking up and this was the moment when she chose to be quiet? Really? The magicat could practically feel the fucking fear of God overtake her, and she was completely ready to leap off of this damn tree and run for the hills. Maybe she could call Crystal up, and ask to be moved to like, Cuba or something. Or were Americans still banned from Cuba? Scratch that. Maybe she could run away to France? No, she didn’t want to learn French. It was a stupid language. Spain was a good option though - she spoke Spanish fluently, and could probably make ends meet in Barcelona easily by...stealing. </p><p>As Catra was in the middle of spiralling, thinking of all the ways she could change her identity and how many crimes she needed to commit to make ends meet, the quiet finally broke.</p><p>Adora started fucking <i>laughing</i>. </p><p>“W-what. The fuck? Why are you laughing? What?” Catra growled, all warning signs blaring in her head as she fell back into the familiar safety net that was anger. Her favorite defense mechanism. </p><p>Adora shifted position against her, whirling her head around - and smacking Catra in the face with her stupid ponytail in the process. Catra’s entire body was rigid, and contrary to the growl rumbling through her small body, her traitorous eyes were wide, an undercurrent of fear still rippling through her. </p><p>As always, when the duos eyes met, Catra’s constant distress fell away, instead replaced by confusion. Adora looked...happy. She was smiling, bright blue eyes twinkling with an emotion she couldn’t recognize. Catra knew Adora’s emotions like the back of her hand, but she could never tell what that little sparkle she got was. Ever. It appeared at absolute random, and with no explanation, and always left Catra internally flailing like a stupid Magikarp from the dumb monster game the blonde had been obsessed with all of last year. It was annoying as shit. </p><p>After another moment of the blonde giggling and Catra having an internal crisis, Adora finally spoke. </p><p>“I already knew. Well actually, it was more of an educated guess, but like...seriously, Catra, you’re not discreet. Like, at all. In the slightest. You <i>radiate</i> homosexual.” Adora snorted, while the tension rippling throughout Catra’s body finally calmed into a quiet, confused storm. That’s when she started sputtering.</p><p>“But-”</p><p>“You basically gag at the sight of boys.”</p><p>“I-”</p><p>“You are <i>literally</i> wearing a flannel right now.”</p><p>“Still-”</p><p>“Do I need to bring up Cynthia? During my Pokemon phase, you seemed <i>reaalllll</i> interested everytime she was on screen when I was speedrunning Diamond.”</p><p>Catra finally gave in, all negative emotions leaving her body as she leaned back against the tree with a <i>bonk</i>. A massive grin pulled at her lips after a moment, before she burst into a fit of laughter, a chorus that was quickly accompanied by Adora’s own giggle.</p><p>It was a hot second until the duo’s laughter died down, and Adora took Catra’s hand into her own, squeezing gently before speaking again. </p><p>“Anyways...I accept you. I always will. If you needed to hide a body, I would help. Unwillingly and with a lotta gagging, but I would.”</p><p>“You’re assuming you won’t be the body.”</p><p>“You like me too much to kill me.”</p><p>“I literally hate you. What are you doing on my tree again?” </p><p>“It’s not your tree. It’s public property.”</p><p>“Did I ask?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Shut the fuck up, idiot.” The girls burst into another fit of giggles, and if they were on the ground, they would probably be having yet another wrestling match - but she wasn’t about to risk that 20 feet off the ground. Instead, Catra wrapped both her arms around Adora, and pulled her into a kind of awkward hug, considering the branch wasn’t that big. Adora’s back was now flat against her, both of Catra’s arms wrapping around her neck gently as the blonde nestled into her. It was cuddling. But, cuddling was gross and nasty and affection was disgusting, and so this simple movement was simply deemed ‘a hug a simple hug with the best friend <strike>you’re in love with</strike>’ in her head. </p><p>Both of them finally stopped giggling after a moment, a comfortable silence overtaking the air as the two girls looked to the sky. The moon was now a quarter of the way up, and the faded stars were more prominent than before. </p><p>“Seriously Adora...Thank you. It means a lot to me, that you like, accept me or...whatever.” Catra whispered, the softest she’d probably ever spoken to Adora. She didn’t want to ruin the moment, the feeling of calm and the feeling of just being cared for overwhelming her. </p><p>“Of course Catra. You’re the best friend I could ever ask for, and I couldn’t...I never want to lose you.” Adora nuzzled in closer, bringing her hands up to land softly on Catra’s forearms and stroke her fingers through the thin layer of fur. A purr rumbled from her chest at the touch, and her tail shifted from it’s dangling position to settle across Adora’s stomach. </p><p>“Adora...we’ll be friends forever, right?” Catra’s voice was meek, a little fear ringing in the back of her head that this moment would not last. That Adora would leave just like every other damn person she’s cared about. That all of this would be for nothing. Just the thought was enough to make Catra begin to tense once again,the beginning of a spiral approaching - until Adoras grip on her forearms tightened. As if the blonde could read her mind. </p><p>“Of course. Friends forever.” With just that confirmation, Catra relaxed, pulling Adora even closer and nestling her face into the crook of the blonde’s neck. Adora would be here to stay. That was the only promise she needed.</p><p>Adora was her home. </p><p>
  <b>[Present day]</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Today was supposed to be a good fucking day. Just one good fucking day that she’d been looking forward to for <i>months</i> now. But no, nothing was that easy in her shitty dumpster fire fucking life.</p><p>It wasn’t fucking easy getting into Brightmoon University - contrary to Scorpia’s constant cheerleading bullshit and positive garbage like ‘you got this Catra! You’re so smart Catra! Go Catra go!!!!’ The world didn’t exactly like her, and she wasn’t <i>that fucking smart</i>.</p><p>Well. That was selling herself short. She was super fucking intelligent - she was 3rd in her class in highschool, and definitely could’ve gotten salidatorian if it wasn’t for the fact she would rather die than do that dumb fucking speech to 400 people who despised her. Catra D’riluth was smart as hell, but there were many other factors that went into where she was now. </p><p>Getting into this prissy ass university had been her dream (and the dream of someone she left long ago), but when you lose your sports scholarship and get discarded to the streets like an old piece of furniture in New York, money was an achingly big problem. She could barely pay to just write the fucking essay to apply, let alone pay for housing, food, books, and all the other bullshit no shitty teacher cared to mention in high school. When she was 18, she got into the school, but there was no way to pay after...the incident. All of her dreams crushed themselves in a single stupid night, 2 years ago. </p><p>Fuck capitalism. </p><p>So, she did what every sane person would have done. She ran off into the night, and found herself living on the streets for a couple of months until a poor soul by the name of Scorpia basically picked her up, cleaned her up, and forced her couch onto her, sprouting some shit about how she needed a new roommate anyways and that Catra seemed to fit perfectly into her little life. </p><p>That was a year and a half ago. A year in Horde Community college, and an unholy amount of shitty part time jobs and night shifts that didn’t pay well enough to compensate for her sleep deprivation, and here she was. Finally attending BMU, and finally returning to the sport that had been her savior for so long after a long dry spell away from it.</p><p>Catra was even excited for the day. She couldn’t wait to get back on the field, and see if a month of practicing at the field closest to her apartment was enough to wash away all her rust and turn her back into the powerhouse she used to be. It helped that Scorpia and Entrapta would be there to support her, both of them already being on the team. She wouldn’t have to be alone during try-outs and if she made the team, since Catra making new friends was unlikely as hell. She appreciated the fuck out of those two losers, even if she would never admit to either of them how much their support really meant. </p><p>As she got out of Scorpia’s van and took a look at the field before her, she felt like she was returning home after 2 years off in some corrupt capitalist war over oil. There were already dozens of people on the field, either preparing for the battle that was try-outs or breaking off into groups and talking like they weren’t even worried about how ruthless this was gonna be. She never understood people who would take an important moment like this with a grain of salt, acting all laid-back like nothing matters. Contrary to her cool and cocky persona of, Catra was serious as fuck about try-outs, and it almost felt...disrespectful to see so many people not care.</p><p>Especially when she was so used to having a rival who always was a step ahead of her. </p><p>Just the thought of said <strike>friendrivalbestfriendloveofherlifeherweakness</strike> left a bad taste in her mouth, and with a quick shake of her head, Catra set her sights back on the field. Scorpia had already gone ahead of her while she zoned out, seeming to understand that Catra needed a moment to process everything. The little considerate things Scorpia always chipped through Catra’s rough facade, warming her cold heart for brief moments before she caught on and shut it down as quickly as it happened. She appreciated Scorpia, she really did, and especially appreciated how Scorpia had stayed with her through some of the lowest points of her life. The woman had even been overwhelmingly kind and understanding during the worst of it, supporting her wholeheartedly through every single breakdown, bad day, drunken sob, and angry outburst.</p><p>Catra, ever since beginning therapy, had constantly apologized to Scorpia in her own way for those moments, guilt always managing to wiggle it’s way into her emotions. As many times as the other woman had stated that she forgives her, Catra felt like it was never enough. </p><p>That’s why, once she came completely back to reality, she jogged to catch up to Scorpia, completely ready to warm up both of them with a set of penalty shots. She knew how much reaching out to do simple things together meant to Scorpia.  </p><p>Well, that was the plan, until Catra finally came to a stop, and without even thinking, without even realizing her instincts were acting on their own, met a pair of staring eyes nearby. Blue eyes. Bright fucking baby blue eyes that could always see past all of her fucking bullshit, that had been the first thing and the last thing she had seen of the girl that meant the world to her. </p><p>The fact that Catra never put together that Adora would most likely be here was arguably the dumbest fucking thing she has ever done. They always talked about this school specifically. They always talked about joining this team <i>together</i>. Now, her favorite fucking skeleton in her closet was in front of her, matching Catra’s convoluted expression (a mix of surprise, sadness, ‘oh shit’, and many many more emotions that would take too long to depict) with her own. </p><p>Even though it had been only two years, Adora had definitely changed a lot. Her muscles were...fuck. There. Definitely. Very much rivaling the scrawny girl she last saw at the championship game. She somehow got even taller, probably growing at least two more inches. She had a tattoo on her upper shoulder, but Catra couldn’t get a good look at it - too busy staring at Adora’s face, drinking in every detail she could. Stronger jawline. Her nose was slightly crooked now (did she break it?). A lot more freckles dotted her face in comparison to when they were in Horde City. </p><p>But, through all the new things, there were so many little details that stayed the same. The same stupid fucking hair poof and too tight ponytail. The same crease in between her eyebrows from furrowing them too much. The same scar on her cheek from one of their wrestling incidents. Same...lips. And, above all, the same stupid fucking blue eyes. </p><p>Catra couldn’t catch a break for two fucking seconds, could she?</p><p>After the second that felt like an eternity - something that had become a common occurrence between the two of them, always lost in their own world when it came to each other - Adora finally spoke.</p><p>“Fuck.”</p><p>Catra was <i>screwed</i>. Adora never cursed. In their seven fucking years of friendship, she heard Adora curse <i>maybe</i> five times, with three of those times resulting from Catra literally tricking her through various ways to say a big bad word.</p><p>From the looks of absolute shock around them, <i>especially</i> from the coach, it seemed like that little fact never changed. Which meant she was really, really, in fucking trouble. Like, part of her wished that the world would be hit with a meteor right then and there so she would not have to be here and deal with fucking <i>confrontation</i> with the girl she left two years ago. </p><p>Gulping and swallowing every sense of panic she could, Catra finally spoke. </p><p>“Hey...Adora?”</p><p>Next to her, Catra could hear Scorpia’s very audible gasp. Apparently, even though Scorpia had been on the team for two years, she never put two and two together. Really, were they all just fucking imbeciles today? </p><p>Scorpia wasn’t the only one who gasped either - on Adora’s side of the circle, two people gasped just as loud. A taller man in a crop top, and a short woman who just...radiated sparkles. It was 9 a.m. Why was she so glittery? </p><p>Before Catra had the chance to go on an entire inner debate on what would lead a grown woman to put on that much glitter, especially this early in the morning, she remembered where she was. And the fact the biggest ghost of her past was literally staring at her. Snapping back to reality, she watched Adora’s face carefully, trying to piece together what she was feeling. Reading Adora had been a talent of hers for years now, but right now, she couldn't understand a single thing, other than the fact that the blonde was definitely cycling through a lot of emotions. </p><p>The staring contest at the moment seemed neverending, and the air felt suffocatingly tense. She could even feel the people around her start shuffling awkwardly, trying to figure out how to react to the wild fucking west stand off happening in front of them. </p><p>Though, before she could even react, that damn blue gaze disappeared, and Adora turned her back to Catra. And proceed to fucking <i>run away</i>.</p><p>Well, this was ironic. Adora was the one running from her now, after Catra spent two years running. Karma really is a goddamn bitch.</p><p>Catra never tore her gaze away though, watching as Adora got farther and farther away, before slamming open the door to what she assumed was the locker room, and finally disappearing from sight. Everyone around her was just as fucking shocked as she was, and it took a couple seconds before the world began turning again. </p><p>“U-um, well, okay. For all the new people here, that was our team captain, Adora! It seems like...she will no longer be, um, joining us for try-outs. Um,” The bearded man checked his watch, “Alright! It’s 9:02, so let’s get this started! Glimmer, dearest, will you lead them in warm-ups?”</p><p>The glittery girl - ‘<i>Her name was Glimmer? Seriously? How fucking rich.</i>’ - snapped her head towards the coach, breaking out of her own disoriented state before nodding. </p><p>“Alright! Uh, hey guys, I’m Glimmer! Obviously. Let’s start with-” Catra was already tuning her out by the time she opened her mouth. She was too busy having to deal with the biggest internal crisis she’s had since she got in fucking therapy. </p><p>She didn’t notice that her fists were clenched to the point her claws were digging into her palm until a gloved hand grabbed it. Snapping her head up to glare at whoever dared touch her, she was simply met with Scorpia’s painfully sympathetic gaze. With careful touches, Scorpia unclenched Catra’s hand for her, and proceeded to gently pet her mane of hair - pretty awkwardly, she was still wearing her goalie gloves - and giving her that damn look that basically fucking shouted ‘<i>It’s alright Catra! It will be okay, Catra!</i>’</p><p>This, <i>this</i> was the definition of not fucking okay. And, the worst part about it, is that the moment Catra saw Adora’s dumb fucking face, she knew she was going to have to fix it. </p><p>So, with Scorpia doing every single dumb exercise Catra’s therapist taught her for times of distress - like right now - the fuzz of her mind finally cleared, determination taking the reins.  </p><p>‘<i>Fuck confrontation.</i>’ was Catra’s last thought before she sprinted straight to the locker room. Moving completely on autopilot, she slammed open the door, slammed it close the moment she entered, and stared at the dumb blonde idiot who was now curled into a ball on the floor. </p><p>In the softest voice she could muster, breath heavy, she muttered the only words that felt right in that moment.</p><p>“Adora, I am so fucking sorry.”</p><p>
  <b>[May 8th, Senior Year]</b>
</p><p>There have been a handful of moments in Catra’s life where she truly felt completely fucking useless. Really, she seems to have a little fucking set of alarms in her head for when she knows her life is about to completely come apart. First time it happened was the first time she was hit by one of her foster parents, at the vulnerable age of five. Another time was when she watched one of her other foster parents do some sort of drug right in front of her - she would later find out it was heroin. The last time she felt it was when she got her first bad grade after Sharon Weaver adopted her.</p><p>It was an overwhelming feeling. Terror, and misery, and anxiety, and so many negative feelings mixing together into an unbearable clusterfuck that made her entire brain flash in neon lights “<b>OH NO! WARNING: THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GET BAD!</b>” </p><p>When a cleat connected with the back of her leg, that ungodly feeling her her right as the pain did. </p><p>In one moment, she was sprinting down the field, the goal right fucking in front of her. Scoring this goal would be like solidifying all the good she could have in her life. Going to BMU with Adora on a sports scholarship. Escaping Weaver’s abuse. Living with Adora. Getting a cat. Getting her art degree. Having a good fucking life. Being fucking <i>happy</i>.</p><p>But, things were never that easy for Catra. She should’ve learned by now that getting her hopes up only hurt more when they came crashing down. </p><p>So, in the next moment, when she was on the ground, the rest of the world fell away as she came to terms with what this meant. She already could tell the injury was bad - she wasn’t screaming in pain, yet, but that was just because her brain had thrown her into a dissociative state to avoid the trauma it would bring her. In the distance, she could hear the ref shouting something, and Adora...sweet, lovely Adora, <i>her</i> Adora, yelling as well. All the sounds were muted and disorientated, but she would recognize that voice anywhere. Before she could  realize what was happening, she was surrounded. Someone was picking up her limp body, asking her question after question about where it hurts, where the cleat connected, ec tera. </p><p>Catra wasn’t listening. Instead, her eyes were focused on the blonde who was following after them, even though the game was about to resume. There was no way she was going to let Adora’s loyal savior bullshit stop her from being there for this. </p><p>Reaching out with a hand the moment she was close enough, she grabbed Adora’s wrist, looking directly into those damn blue eyes that she fell in love with, and spoke.</p><p>“Adora. Win this game.” It was all she could say, before she shoved the girl away - weakly, with just one hand - and closed her eyes.</p><p>Catra’s life was over. She wouldn’t drag Adora down with her though, no matter fucking what. She was a bitch, and selfish, and awful, but she would do anything to not hurt her home.</p>
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</div>Catra’s ACL was torn. When she heard the news from the doctor, she wasn’t surprised. This meant the loss of a scholarship, the loss of her freedom, and the loss of everything if she let it.<p>The next day, she was gone. </p><p>
  <b>[Present Day]</b>
</p><p>In the seven years of friendship between Catra and Adora, Catra had never said sorry. For anything. </p><p>But in the BMU locker room, it felt like it was the only thing that could suppress the guilt that had been brewing within her for years. </p><p>Adora looked just as shocked as she felt saying those words, and yet another moment passed where the two of them just stared at each other for an uncomfortable amount of time. That’s when Catra finally took notice of the blonde’s shallow breaths, recognizing the position she was in, and internally slapped the shit out of herself. </p><p>Adora was having a fucking panic attack. Because of her. </p><p>Catra practically teleported from her awkward stance at the door to right next to Adora, years of practice when it came to the blonde’s panic attacks taking over. Gently, the magicat grabbed hold of Adora, carefully uncurling her from the ball position and laying her down on the cool cement floor. </p><p>“Adora, you remember the breathing exercise, right? In for four, hold for seven, and out for ten. Breathe with me real quick, alright? I’ll count for you.” Using a combination of gentle affirmations, counting, and breathing in time as one another, Catra watched carefully as Adora slowly came back to herself. First, her breathing got under control, followed by the tears coming to a stop, and finally, the tenseness of her muscles faded away. </p><p>The blonde had been getting panic attacks since they met, probably even longer before then, and a lot of trial and error went into the process of finding exactly what Adora needed in those precarious moments. Touch made her feel more suffocated, and there were multiple times where standing caused her to deadass faint right then and there. </p><p>Unlike the times in the past when they’ve dealt with this together, Catra felt shame and guilt burn through her with every single breath, her own thoughts constricting her. This was her fault. Fuck. But, this wasn’t the time for Catra to also start panicking, so, as per usual, she shoved that shit deep, deep down, ready to unpack it in the next session with her therapist. </p><p>After a handful of moments, Adora had completely calmed down, and Catra felt the urge to wrap her arms around the blonde, maybe even, god forgive, <i>cuddle</i> with her. It was something that had always been part of their routine when it came to panic attacks. Before she could even let her impulses get the better of her though, Adora finally turned her head to look at her. Catra finally recognized the emotion raging through those ocean eyes, and just the sight of it immediately made her ears lay flat against her head. </p><p>Anger. Adora, who would rarely show a negative emotion or even swear, was fucking pissed. </p><p>“Catra. What the...hell.” Adora was still cussing. That was not fucking good. </p><p>Immediately, Catra went into panic mode. Confrontation was always her least favorite fucking thing, right next to apologizing, but having to look Adora in her eyes and explain...everything? Just the thought made her entire body feel heavy with lead. </p><p>“Look, Adora, I know I fucked up and disappeared and all that, but I am...I’m so sor-” The magicat spoke quickly, every word making her want to retreat farther and farther into her shell, but she couldn’t even finish a sentence before Adora cut her off. </p><p>“You.. how could you vanish like that? Seriously, I am trying to wrap my head around doing... That. Leaving and…” The blonde’s voice was quiet, pained, and it made Catra want to run to the fucking hills or slam her head into the nearest locker. She really fucked up that much, didn’t she? Even Adora’s movements were slow, the blonde sitting up and looking at Catra with so much mixed emotion that it left a ringing pang in her chest.</p><p>She wished Adora would just punch her instead of talk. Or storm out again. </p><p>“I-I had to. It was the only choice I ha-” Yet again, Catra’s words were panicked, her gaze looking to focus on anything that <i>wasn’t</i> Adora. The locker straight across from her position was looking especially interesting.  </p><p>“No? It wasn’t. You’re fucking smarter than that. You, you could’ve told me <i>something</i>. But you didn’t.” Adora cut in yet again, the former broken tone transforming into a bitter one laced with anger. “Why?” </p><p>“You don’t- You don’t fucking understand Adora. I couldn’t… bring you down with my bullshit. Not fucking again.” Contrary to Adora’s voice, Catra felt herself getting smaller and smaller, every single word dripping with self loathing. Without even realizing it she had curled into a similar fetal position to how the blonde was when she walked in, her tail wrapping itself tightly around her body as a sort of shield. </p><p>“What are you talking about? What gave you the notion <i>you</i> made <i>my</i> shitty life fucking <i>worse</i>?” Catra flinched instinctively as Adora’s voice got louder, a shrill echo from the close quarters making her sensitive ears ring. A moment ago she was curling into herself like a scared turtle, but now, she felt anger boil inside of her, any misery ripped away and shoved down to her stomach to be replaced by her favorite emotion. </p><p>With fury overwhelming her, the magicat uncoiled herself in moments, jumping up to her feet before she spoke. </p><p>“Don’t act like you don’t fucking know! I <i>always</i> bring everyone around me down, and you are the last person I wanted to do that to, Adora. I couldn’t just fucking...stop your dreams for my own selfish fucking reasons.” The quiet voice was gone, replaced with her typical loud, cruel tone. That was, at least, until she took a single glance at Adora’s face, and saw the tears. When Catra spoke again, it was choked up as her tear ducts began to betray her. “It wouldn’t be...right.” </p><p>Though, that seemed to be not the correct answer - Adora jumped up the moment the words tumbled out of her mouth, the heat in the room beginning to escalate. </p><p>“Since when do you care about <i>right</i>? You were supposed to care about me. And then you <i>fucking</i> disappeared, and I was certainly worse off without you.” That was the tipping point for Catra. Adora was worse off without her? Bullshit. Catra knew her fucking role in people’s life was nothing more than a goddamn inconvience, especially back then. </p><p>“<i>Worse off</i>?!” The magicat snarled, before whirling around and stomping up to get right into Adora’s face. “You have the school. You have the team. You have friends. You have fucking <i>everything</i>, Adora! Why the fuck would I stop that? I care about you too mu-” </p><p>“Goddamnit Catra,” If Adora interrupted her one more god damn time she was going to lose her fucking mind. “I certainly wouldn’t have fucking guessed that! Not when you couldn’t even be bothered to say goodbye.”</p><p>“I- if I said goodbye it would have been worse! You would’ve, I don’t know, given me that look of fucking pity for being poor, and abused, and an absolute fuckup with no future. I lost my fucking <i>scholarship</i>, and that was <i>it</i> for me! You had a future, and I didn’t.” Catra growled, her claws digging into her palm and no doubt drawing a little bit of blood. She could deal with it later - she was too busy trying to push down her emotions, letting anger take complete control over her like it did every single time she had ever been yelled at. Anger kept her protected, and safe, and away from all the other temporary emotions that led her into a false sense of security. </p><p>She didn’t have love. She would never show a weakness like sadness. She barely knew what happiness felt like. But anger and self loathing? That was all she knew, and all she needed.</p><p>“You think so, so…<i>little</i> of me that you wouldn’t even give me the chance to be there for you? We could’ve… we could’ve figured something out, Catra. But you can’t just…<i>fucking leave.</i>” Catra flinched again, brief hesitation coming forth at those words. Adora’s stupid fucking optimism was unbelievable, and her fucking obliviousness. Think <i>little</i> of her? How could that damn idiot not know that Adora was the sun, the moon, and the entire fucking universe in her eyes?  </p><p>“It’s not- I don’t think little of you! I just, I didn’t want to fucking hurt you and fuck up your future!” </p><p>What Adora said next came as a screech, the loudest she had ever yelled at Catra. Actually, it was the first time she truly screamed at the magicat. </p><p>“You <i>DID</i> hurt me when you fell off the face of the earth! You left me alone to go <i>sulk</i> over something you had no control over! You were better than that. You <i>are</i> better than that. What did I do to deserve losing my best friend?!” </p><p>Sulk. A word she had heard her entire life, each time feeling more invalidating the last. According to her therapist, words like that had a lot of power over her due to the abuse she faced throughout the foster system and from Shadow Weaver especially. A sort of trigger for her ugliest emotions. A trigger for the worst memories of emotional abuse. When she heard it out of Adora’s mouth - the woman who had been her fucking everything - Catra pratically saw red. </p><p>“Sulk?! Fucking <i>SULK</i>?!” A scream that outdid Adora’s previous shouts in both emotion and volume. “I was living on the goddamn <i>STREETS</i> Adora! And no, I’m obviously not fucking better than that. And I- I didn’t want to make you fucking lose me, but it wasn’t fucking...healthy for me to stay. Yeah, I-I hurt you, but it would’ve hurt more in the long run if I had to fucking keep you in Horde City with me.” Catra could feel the tears streaming down her face, but she could barely process it. Every single time she had been told she was worthless, and a failure, and just being talked down to for even having emotions was flooding her mind. A spiral was coming, but it could wait. </p><p>“We could’ve figured something out, Catra! I could’ve, I mean, <i>we</i> would be okay, we always were. We could’ve handled anything together, but <i>you</i> were too scared to!” Adora’s tone had somehow found the perfect balance between miserable desperation and fury, and it made the ache in Catra’s chest twist into a gaping hole. </p><p>“Adora, you don’t fucking understand. For one <i>fucking</i> moment, can you just, listen to me. It wouldn’t have fucking worked out! It would have just ended up fucking everything up for you. And obviously, it was for the better, because, here we fucking are! Standing in the same damn locker room, at our goddamn dream school. Obviously, I did something fucking right for once.” Catra snapped back, her voice cracking with every sentence. Angry. She <i>needed</i> to stay angry and hateful, before a different pathetic emotion leaked through. </p><p>“I just…I missed you. I needed you here and you...you weren’t. Maybe you think it was right, but it wasn’t for me.” The blonde was quieter now. Frustrated. Exasperated. Probably already sick of Catra’s shit after only a few minutes. </p><p>“I...missed you too. Maybe it wasn’t right. But, it was...necessary. I’m sorry it ended up being such a shitshow, but obviously like, things didn’t go that badly. You’re team captain now, as a Junior. And, it seems like you have friends - Sparkles and Crop Top out there seemed to know all about me.” Catra paused, before muttering, “They’re probably way better for you anyways.”</p><p>“Even if they were, Catra, they weren’t always around. You were supposed to always be around. We <i>promised</i>.”</p><p>That finally broke her. The two of them had been staring at each other ever since they started shouting, but just hearing the word ‘promise’ shattered all of Catra’s anger in one fell swoop, replaced with more fucking self loathing than she thought was possible. </p><p>“I...fuck. I know we promised, but just...I…” Catra, drained of all anger and exhausted to the bone from all the emotional bullshit, was out of all the shitty excuses she used to justify her actions, both to herself and others. </p><p>“We can talk later. We should...probably get back.” The blonde sounded...disappointed in the magicat’s response. </p><p>In that moment, Catra desperately wanted Adora to stay. She wanted to get on her hands and knees and beg for Adora’s forgiveness, beg for what they had back, beg for anything Adora would be willing to give her. She wanted to profess her love. She wanted to fucking propose right then and there.  </p><p>But, she didn’t deserve Adora. Never did. </p><p>“Yeah. I guess we should.” Were the words she settled on instead. </p><p>“Bye, Catra.” Adora shifted past Catra, heading straight to the door. Still at a complete loss, Catra watched her entire walk. She watched as Adora opened the door, and watched as she paused. Finally, she watched as Adora walked out, never looking back. </p><p>The moment the door closed with a loud bang, she collapsed.</p>
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</div>Twenty minutes later, Catra emerged from the locker room. Her head was held high as she strutted across the field, each movement smooth and casual. She even took her place with the rest of the recruits without a single word, nodding to Coach Micah in a silent apology.<p>The only thing that stood out was the cocky expression she always had was gone, replaced by a blank face. No one noticed the way her jaw stayed clenched the entirety of try-outs. Or the way her eyes were unfocused, as if she was barely conscious. Or how each move she made, aside from the strut out of the locker room, seemed robotic and drained of all passion. </p><p>When the first day of try-outs finally ended, Scorpia dragged Catra to the car, already throwing out questions about what happened. </p><p>Catra didn’t say a single thing, nor did she seem to realize that Scorpia was talking. It wasn’t until they had pulled out of the parking lot did Catra’s carefully constructed facade dissipate. </p><p>She was sobbing before they even reached the highway.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hope you enjoyed, and if you did, leave a kudos/a comment!! and if you didn’t like it, constructive criticism is ALWAYS welcome since again, i am very very rusty. have a great day/night! :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. AND IT'S A CURSE</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello! Welcome to the next chap, which is literally just Adora Please Stop Repressing Everything! I’d like to start off by saying thank you so much for the support so far! It really means the world to me, especially since writing just...means so much to me, and being able to write again is like someone just fuckin revived me. Getting so many kudos and comments on something I’m working really hard on just...it feels so validating. Thank you guys so much.</p><p>life is hectic rn bc of college apps and shtuff, so sorry bout the late update! hopefully I'll get the next one out in like,,,,4 to 5 days? if I don't get kicked out LOL</p><p>I have playlists for these two now!! I listen to these based on who I’m writing for, and I think the songs really add more to the vibe<br/>Adora: <a>here</a><br/>Catra: <a>here</a></p><p>On the topic of songs, the titles of each chapter will indicate who’s pov it will be! UPPERCASE is Adora, and lowercase is Catra. Adora’s chapter titles are currently from Bubblegum by Clairo, and Catra’s are When Will I See You Again by Shakka.</p><p>Also, friendly reminder that, contrary to what Adora is saying, therapy is very very helpful and I would heavily recommend it to <i>everyone</i>, even if you are not struggling mentally. Adora just has...problems and severeee denial and repression issues. Please don’t be like Adora. Please get therapy lol</p><p>I forgot to write in swiftwind for their emotional support sesh so just...pretend he’s there lol</p><p>Enjoy!! :) </p><p> </p><p>  <b>Tw: mentions of child abuse, physical abuse, internalized homophobia, religious trauma, anxiety, underage drinking</b></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>[Present Day]</b>
</p><p>The moment the locker room door slams behind her, Adora is already fighting like hell to make it seem like she’s alright and she didn’t just have a world-changing conversation with her...Catra. </p><p>The blonde could feel every single emotion she had suppressed in the past two years - really, the emotions she’s been suppressing since she met Catra - bubbling up, struggling against the bottles they are carefully contained away in. It was like someone poured mentos and Coke into all of them, shook them up, and then proceeded to throw all the bottles off a twelve-story building. </p><p>‘Overwhelming’ didn’t even begin to describe the feeling of it all crawling up her throat like some demon attempting to possess her. But, she didn’t have the time to deal with <i>all</i> of that, and she didn’t even bring Swiftwind with her to tryouts - a stupid choice, she should’ve known something would happen - so there was no way for her to really calm down if she let it all out right now. She loved Glimmer and Bow, but they were not exactly the best for supporting her emotions. </p><p>Well, she also had never <i>really</i> let them know about anything, but it was better to just assume they were awful therapists and move on. </p><p>Adora, with a deep breath, took off in a jog to catch up with the rest of the team, who were just finishing warmups. The...conversation? Fight? A horrifying clusterfuck of emotions? Whatever it was took a lot longer than she thought - warm-ups were typically a forty-five minute process. </p><p>Pasting on her typical blinding smile, Adora came to a stop next to Netossa. The blonde hoped to God that her eyes weren’t red. </p><p>“So, how were warm-ups?” The blonde asked innocently, acting as if she had just gotten there late and not had a very public interaction with her ex...best friend. She even quirked her head to the side when she looked at the other woman, trying to come off as chill as she could.</p><p>Adora wasn’t chill. That was common knowledge.</p><p>“They were...good.” Netossa glanced over suspiciously at her co-captain, trying to get a read off of her. Good thing Adora had become so scarily good at repressing her emotions that she looked believably normal, ignoring the raging tornado going on in her head. With a sigh, Netossa jerked her head in the direction of where everyone was having their water break, looking at Adora with a quirked eyebrow. “You gonna be good to lead drills with me?”</p><p>“Yeah of course! I’m completely fine.” Adora responded almost too quickly, almost cutting Netossa off as the words rushed out of her mouth. Her face faltered <i>slightly</i> at the ‘fine’ part, before it returned to its normal overwhelmingly optimistic glow. </p><p>Netossa knew better than to call her out on it. Everyone who knew Adora knew that she would never own up to being anything less than fine. With an exasperated look that read ‘seriously?’, the woman gave her a reassuring pat on her arm before taking off in a jog towards the benches. </p><p>Adora took a deep breath, her facade slipping away. Keeping this up all day was going to be exhausting, and she already knew it was gonna be harder the moment Catra came out of that locker room. After years of always searching for Catra in crowds, it was going to take so much power to keep her eyes from drifting, <i>especially</i> since it was her job to literally be evaluating her abilities on the field. Maybe she could get lucky, and keep her eyes set on Catra’s footwork, instead of those piercing eyes that always left her stomach twisting into knots. Maybe she could even convince Netossa to keep watch on for Catra instead - actually, that would require admitting that there was a <i>reason</i> for not being able to even look at the magicat, which would dig her into an even deeper hole.</p><p>This was gonna be a long day. </p><p>Looking down, the blonde noticed her fingers subconsciously tapping aggressively against her leg, a nervous tick of hers. With another deep breath, she clenched her fists tightly, turned her sunshine persona back on, and jogged to catch up with the team.</p>
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</div><b>[August 26th, Seven Years Old]</b><p>Adora had been in the system for four years, and she didn’t really have any strong feelings about it. The foster parents were nice enough - the kids though, not so much. While most foster parents were always praising her for being so well behaved and a ‘joy to have’, the foster kids were always picking on her for a reason she didn’t understand. She was just being herself - it wasn’t her fault she talked so much, and cried a lot, and was good at school, and was nice to the adults. Adora would never understand why she was so <i>ostracized</i> for doing what the adults wanted of her. </p><p>That’s why she was so excited for this next home - she was gonna be the only kid there. Maybe then she’d be able to avoid the bullies, or at least have a place to escape from them.  </p><p>Her social worker had brought her here about a week ago, to a little two-bedroom house connected to a main road, instead of inside a suburb. School had started the next day, which was nice. It meant she had the chance to make new friends, without people being weird about her joining in the middle of the year and questioning her about it, in which she would always accidentally mention her dead parents, and then they would either be mean to her or not talk to her at all. People in the past had mentioned that it wasn’t ‘appropriate’ to talk about something so dark, but Adora never understood why. She was just telling the truth. </p><p>That’s what lead her to now, sitting at the kitchen table with her knees pulled to her chest, squinting at the picture book in front of her and trying to comprehend it without getting distracted by the number of leaves on the tree outside the window, or how many wood planks made up the floorboards under her. It was a challenge to stay so focused, and always made her feel so stupid when she struggled at something other kids made seem so simple. </p><p>Adora could feel the frustrated tears begin to well up when the front door slammed, jolting her out of her focus. Snapping her head up, she watched her foster father walk in, boots stomping into the ground louder than usual. When he turned the corner, a bright smile tugged up on the corners of her lips and she waved at him excitedly, before returning to the task at hand. She had to keep trying, and if she got too distracted she would never get her homework done.</p><p>At least, she was going to continue trying to read the fairy tale, until the loud voice of her foster father boomed through the air. </p><p>“What are you doing?” He snapped, his words slurred and...angry. Confusion and dread immediately washed through her - he had never been mad at her before. For the past week, he’d actually seemed really nice and quiet. </p><p>“I-I’m doing my homework. I gotta finish reading this book.” She squeaked out, wide blue eyes watching her foster father carefully. </p><p>“That’s so fucking stupid. Girls don’t need to be reading - they need to be learning their damn place.” The man growled, glaring at her as he settled in the chair opposite of her, removing his work boots as he continued. “People need to start respecting the word of fucking God these days. And you, young lady, need to go do the fucking dishes for me.” His voice boomed throughout the house, every word becoming more aggressive than the last. </p><p>This was a stark contrast from the man she had grown to know in the past week, and Adora was terrified. With a gulp, she looked down at the book pitifully, tears beginning to stream down her face. </p><p>“But, but, I-I really need to finish this book, I don’t want to disappoint the teachers or get a bad grade. I can do dishes after I’m done? I just, if I stop now I won’t be able to focus on it and finish and-” The seven-year-old’s tearful rambling was cut off by the man slamming his hand down on the table, already standing up from his seat and storming over. </p><p>“Go do the damn dishes, learn your damn place, and stop fucking crying before I give you something to cry about!”</p><p>“But-”</p><p>Bam.</p>
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</div>That night, Adora went to bed with a bruise on her wrist and a red mark on her face that was already fading. Her foster father had apologized 30 minutes after, saying that he just wanted the best for her, and that he would help her learn how to be the best, and that he loved her. That was the first time someone had said ‘I love you’ since her parents died.<p>In that small twin bed, in the room with a cross on every single wall, Adora realized for the first time that the only thing she could do to get love was do whatever other people wanted, no matter how she felt. No more crying, no more screwing up. She had to be perfect.</p>
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</div><b>[Present Day]</b><p>Perfection was something that Adora had always known. Skeletor (that wasn’t actually his name, she’d apparently ‘blocked it out due to trauma’ according to her former therapist, so that was what they came up to be his code name) had made sure that she was the perfect little Christian girl, in the role she should be. When she did go to school, she had the perfect grades even as a little kid, and she quickly learned how to do all the jobs a ‘woman’ was supposed to do; cooking, cleaning, laundry, anything he viewed as necessary. Above all though, her foster father - who she had the unfortunate experience of being with for three years - had taught her that emotions were useless in everyone. Crying was out of the question. Showing anything but appreciation and joy was looked down upon. </p><p>Even when Light Hope and Mara put her in therapy, she would never open up to the therapists - there was no point in it. She had to be perfect. Always. Emotions were useless. </p><p>Maybe that’s why she was so good at looking so normal on the field right now, doing everything in her power to keep her eyes off of Catra. They were in the middle of a new drill introduced by Micah, a quick passing drill to gain an estimate of everyone's abilities with ball control. Netossa was across from her, watching carefully, every so often jumping in to show off to the rest of the recruits. Adora, on the other hand, was struggling to stay focused and calm. Her facade hadn’t slipped yet, thankfully, but there had already been a handful of times where it came closer than she was comfortable with. </p><p>Apparently, it was very hard to avoid looking at a certain someone when everyone was constantly running back and forth, jumping to different lines after every pass. In minutes, the blonde had already subconsciously noticed Catra at least ten times; a flick of her tail, her ears flicking, even a familiar leg running past when Adora focused her gaze on the ground. </p><p>Adora was gonna lose her mind. </p><p>The next time she looked up, she also happened to notice Catra’s shirt - a loose violet crop top, obviously cropped by the magicat’s claws - and took notice of a very toned stomach with it. Feeling like she was punched in the gut, she redirected her gaze immediately, instead meeting the worried gaze of Glimmer. That was more bearable. </p><p>Without a second thought, Adora smiled innocently, giving a thumbs up to the shorter girl. Glimmer’s frown only deepened, this time accompanied by a glare. </p><p>Adora hated that they couldn’t just believe her when she said she was fine and leave it alone. Like, yeah, she was rarely ever actually fine, but she didn’t need multiple lectures about ‘you need therapy’ and ‘you need to stop repressing your emotions, Adora’ and blah blah blah. She was doing just fine without that. Doing such would be admitting she wasn’t perfect, and that revelation would be enough to make her have a heart attack or go mad. Having a service dog was already pushing her fragile identity - adding anything more would wreck her. </p><p>Besides, she was coping just <i>fine</i>. She went to the gym multiple days a week, she was eating healthy, she was taking her meds, she hung out with Bow and Glimmer, and she was doing great at school. If she didn’t acknowledge problems, they simply weren’t there. That’s all she needed to be okay. Great, even. </p><p>At least, that’s what she was telling herself right now, trying hard to keep her breathing even every single time a part of Catra came into view for just a second. The twist in her gut was from anger, obviously. Her heart speeding up was from anger. The warmth in her body was also from <i>anger</i>, and nothing else. All she felt towards Catra was anger. </p><p>The next time the magicat came into view, Adora got a full view of her as she sprinted past, and the world fell away for what seemed like the millionth time. Catra wasn’t looking at her, her gaze pointed straight ahead. </p><p>Her movements had no...passion to them. Catra was always the one with a fiery amount of passion that showed in every single one of her movements; cockiness that radiated off of her, and the aura of ‘I’ll fuck you up’ that Adora was always entranced by. Her abilities with the ball had always been <i>insane</i>, the amount of talent radiating from every single trick she performed and the way she could slip out of the worst of situations effortlessly. Now though, she moved robotically, all of the fire just...drained from her body.</p><p>When Adora’s eyes flicked up to Catra’s face, even her face was blank. That stupid, endearing smirk that was practically glued to her face was gone. There wasn’t even a trace of fury. </p><p>The second passed, and Catra was gone. Adora’s chest ached.</p><p>Even though she wouldn’t admit it to anybody else, Adora knew she wasn’t any better than that. Although her typical sunshine smile was glued to her face, she could feel her passion draining every time she touched the ball. Just standing around too long felt different, her thoughts begging to be acknowledged if she let herself zone out. Her anxious ticks had become more prevalent as well, like her fists constantly clenching and unclenching unconsciously, or her fingers snapping together in an uncoordinated rhythm as an attempt to calm herself. Just getting herself involved in another drill was enough to send a pang into her chest. </p><p>Reconnecting with the woman who made her love soccer really threw Adora off her game. She even started making slight mistakes, each one triggering her perfectionist-related anxiety. At one point, she even <i>missed</i> a pass, and Adora <i>never misses</i>. </p><p>It was thankfully in a quick-paced drill, so no one really noticed. At least, she thought no one noticed, until she felt a hand on her shoulder. </p><p>“Adora…” Bow. </p><p>“Not now.” For a second, Adora’s perfect facade dropped, her voice dropping to a low mutter before she turned around and marched off to yell out directions for the next drill. </p><p>She felt so weak.</p>
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</div>The first day of tryouts, after what felt like an eternity, finally came to an end. Adora had been waiting for hours for the coaches to finally call it, and the moment he did, she had one objective in mind; talk to Catra.<p>She didn’t have a clue what she was gonna say (maybe something like “sooo are you gonna unblock my number?” or “Catra we need to finish our talk”) but, she knew something would come to her. With Catra, talking always came easy, even when she was a socially awkward eleven year old, and it was imperative that they take this opportunity to talk. Adora had so much more to say that had been stewing in her all day, and she needed to let it out before she exploded. She had written an entire lecture in her head and was absolutely ready to present it to her, and maybe then they’d be okay, and Adora would stop feeling so hurt and angry and impulsive, and everything would go back to normal. </p><p>That was the plan at least. The moment the coaches called it though, she felt two pairs of hands grabbing her arms, and basically dragging her away and towards the parking lot. Frantically, Adora tried to search for Catra - only to see her in a similar position, except Scorpia was escorting her much more gently (since when were they friends?) The blonde couldn’t help the pang of jealousy echoing through her, wondering if she would ever be able to do that to Catra. </p><p>It took Adora a second to remember what exactly was happening to her. </p><p>“Bow! G-Glimmer! What! Are! You! Doing!” The blonde attempted to wiggle out of their grip as they practically dragged her across the field to no avail.</p><p>“We are talking, <i>now</i>. Not later. Not tomorrow. <i>Now</i>, Adora.” Glimmer glared at her, and somehow quickened her pace, which Bow matched instantly. Adora was almost impressed with them, since Adora had a lot of muscle that made her pretty hard to pull around like this. Almost. </p><p>“I need to do something fi-!”</p><p>Glimmer snapped, “No. We are not putting this off.”</p><p>“It’s Best Friend Squad interrogation slash intervention slash therapy sesh time!” Bow exclaimed with <i>far</i> too much enthusiasm, a big grin on his face while listing everything Adora really didn’t want to do. Therapy? <i>Interrogation</i>? Just the thought made the blonde struggle more against their iron grips. </p><p>Her efforts prove to be futile, as the duo basically toss her into the backseat of Glimmer’s car (which have child locks on the doors, because this has happened on multiple occasions) and lock the car before she can react. They take a second to get back into the car, arguing over what Adora assumes is who is going to drive. Glimmer snatches the keys out of Bow’s hand and practically teleports into the driver’s seat, and Bow has no choice but to get into the passenger. </p><p>Glimmer’s pink car roars to life, and she is immediately squealing out of the parking lot to the despair of her two passengers. They say that you get used to events as they happen, but <i>no one</i> could get used to Glimmer’s chaotic driving abilities. It became a running joke in their friend group that bisexual people were the reason for all driving laws just <i>because</i> of her.</p><p>“Okay, so, before we really get into it - are you okay?” Bow craned his head to look at Adora in the backseat, his voice gentle and turning into his signature therapist tone. </p><p>“No, I’m really not, but, it’s...okay?” Glimmer driving was an amazing interrogation tactic, because Adora was too frazzled from being scared for her life due to the sparkly girl’s speeding to even try to lie. </p><p>Bow immediately gave her a look - Glimmer also muttering something sounding like “don’t give us that bullshit” - and opened his mouth, but the blonde cut him off before he could do anything else. “But, seriously, can we at least...eat? Before we talk about this. Because I’m starving, and try-outs worked up an appetite, and I feel like having this emotional of a conversation will require a full stomach.” She was actually telling the truth, though avoiding the conversation for as long as possible was definitely a perk of being ravenous. To make her point, her stomach loudly growled as back-up. </p><p>Glimmer immediately let out an exasperated sigh, before taking a way too sharp turn - Bow and Adora let out a yelp - and onto the main road. “We’re getting iHop.” A pause. “Is that...okay with everyone? I’m sorry for not asking.” </p><p>Adora couldn’t believe her ears. Glimmer was actually asking for the opinions of others, and might even <i>listen</i> (though she would never object to iHop). </p><p>Maybe therapy was real. </p><p>The blonde let out a snort at the thought. What was she thinking? There was nothing that could help her.</p>
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</div>After 15 minutes of risking their lives, they make it to the nearest iHop in one piece - which was a miracle. Glimmer was never allowed to drive again, no matter how much she complained about the fact it was her car. Adora had a running theory that the shorter girl literally bribed the DMV for a driver’s license, because there was no way in hell they would let that maniac on the road otherwise. The Brightmoon heiress could definitely afford it.<p>The sun was still high in the sky as the three exited the car and headed inside. It was around four p.m. (try-outs always went crazy long) so the iHop wasn’t all that busy. Getting seated at a table was easy, and after getting their order taken, Glimmer and Bow directed their intense attention to Adora (seriously, it was scary how in sync they were).</p><p>“No. Not in public.” The blonde didn’t even need to hear them out to know exactly what they were gonna ask, and they both huffed in unison, Glimmer adding an eye roll.</p><p>“But Adora, the suspense is killing me!! I <i>need</i> to know what happened in that locker room.” Bow finished his sentence with a suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows, and the blonde had never wanted to slap him harder. Not acknowledging the blush that immediately lit up her face, Adora glared him down until he sighed in defeat. “Alright, alright, we’ll let you off the hook - only because I’m too hungry to really grill you. OMG, get it...grill. Hungry. Food. Do you get the joke?”</p><p>Glimmer and Adora simultaneously face palmed at the pun. Bow had been talking to Sea Hawk too much, who was proclaiming either a marriage proposal or a pun every other sentence. </p><p>“An ee ways, Adora! What are your guesses for this year’s line up?” Ignoring Bow’s grumbling, her sparkly friend directed her attention onto Adora, quirking her head to the side. </p><p>Good. A safe topic. Soccer. Perfect. </p><p>“There’s a lot of potential in the recruits!! Though, some definitely stood out more than others. My bet is that Frosta, that new freshie, is gonna be a starter - she seems to have like, crazy stamina, and would be a really great central midfielder. And then, that transfer Perfuma? She’d be such a good starting sweeper. Oh, oh, and-”</p>
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</div>After rambling on about their personal picks for the soccer team and then devouring their food (Adora somehow managing to devour seven pancakes, to Glimmer’s dismay), the trio got their check and got ready to go. Well, they were getting to go, but then GlimBow started arguing about who was gonna cover them, and when Adora tried to take her check, they both immediately snatched it away with a simultaneous shake of their heads (they were seriously like a pair of creepy twins from that one horror movie with how in sync they were).<p>“Emotionally distraught bitches aren’t allowed to pay. That’s the rule! It’s my,” - “No it’s MY-” “Bow I swear to fucking god don’t make me-” “TREAT!” </p><p>They kept bickering like the old married couple they were - Adora was terribly oblivious, but even she knew that they were in love with each other and just wouldn’t talk about it - until Glimmer snatched all three checks and literally took off in a sprint to the waitress. In the middle of the iHop. </p><p>You really can’t take gay people anywhere. </p><p>Bow couldn’t even stop her, since Glimmer was genuinely the faster person on their team, and maybe even in their school. It was like she could teleport places in a blink of an eye, and always amazed those around the short girl. </p><p>With that resolved, the trio finally left the iHop an hour and a half after arriving. </p><p>Bow stole the keys away from Glimmer, mentioning something about ‘no more illegal speed racer moments’, and they all packed into the vibrant pink car. The moment Adora crawled into her seat, she was tense. She already knew the grilling was coming, and she absolutely <i>dreaded</i> it. Talking about Catra, after talking <i>to</i> Catra, and having to be <i>open</i> about her emotions on top of it all? It was like the blonde’s personal hell. </p><p>Of course, Glimmer caught on as they were pulling out of the parking lot. The sparkly woman shifted in her seat to be looking at Adora in the backseat - ignoring Bow’s protests about safety - and gave her yet another <i>all knowing</i> look. </p><p>“Don’t worry, we’re not talking about all of <i>that</i> until we get back to the apartment. Obviously it’s something very emotionally heavy for you, and me and Bow can’t exactly give you Best Friend Squad levels of support while separated by these seats.” Glimmer, usually so aggressive, smiled softly, reaching out a hand and squeezing Adora’s to give more reassurance. She immediately relaxed and nodded, settling back comfortably into the seat instead of the rigid position she had just been in. </p><p>“It’s Bow and I.”</p><p>“Adora...please shut up. I’m trying to be supportive right now, I don’t need your damn grammar corrections when it comes to me literally just fucking <i>talking</i>.” Glimmer huffed dramatically, rolling her eyes and turning back around in her seat. When Adora started full on cackling, she was met with a middle finger that just made her laugh harder.</p><p>Adora really, really loved her best friends. They’d been the self-proclaimed (more like Bow-proclaimed, to the cringe of the other two) “Best Friend Squad” for two years now, since Adora had met her roommate, said sparkly girl, on the first day of university. When it came down to it, they had saved her from herself. The blonde was completely expecting to go into college miserable, lost, and without any friends - like she had been all summer - but instead she was met with the two best friends she could’ve asked for. Although no one could replace...Catra, they completed her in a way that Adora hadn’t experienced before. With Catra, there was always the feeling of butterflies, constant blushing, and a subtle tension - feeling - that the blonde never had a word for. Glimmer and Bow though, they gave her a sense of security and support that made her feel like she found true friends. She even had made <i>more</i> friends because of them. </p><p>Softly smiling, she laid her head back and was ready to enjoy the ride, satisfied in the company of her two best friends. In the front seat, there was some shuffling, and then music began flooding through the car. A soft song. </p><p>A <i>song that hit too hard</i>.</p><p>Glimmer was playing <i>fucking Champagne Problems by Taylor Swift</i>. The song that was on Adora’s ‘softly crying at 3 a.m.’ playlist five times.</p><p>The moment ‘you booked the night train for a reason’ was sung, Adora was crying. It was like her mind was conditioned to immediately start sobbing when the song came on, like she was some dog being trained to sit. It took a whole verse for Glimmer to finally notice the sniffling behind her, and she whirled around in a panic. </p><p>“What- Adora! What’s wrong? What? Huh?” When the blonde started viciously pointing at the stereo, Glimmer understood immediately. “Oh...my god is your thing with Catra <i>this</i> bad?? Is Catra a champagne problems bitch?? Oh my GOD.” The woman’s voice cracked at the end of her sentence, her own tears starting to come as she scrambled for her phone. </p><p>One of the arguably most chaotic aspects of the Best Friend Squad is the fact that when one of them starts crying, a chain reaction begins. </p><p>The soft sounds of the piano disappeared abruptly, instead replaced by a heavy bass and ‘whores in this house’ blasting from the speakers. Glimmer’s ‘stressful situation needs a mode change ASAP’ song was WAP. </p><p>What made the whole interaction better was the fact that Bow started rapping, completely oblivious to the chaos of his two best friends trying to suppress tears. Mid-verse, he stopped at a stop sign, glancing at Glimmer, and the moment he saw her tears he started crying too. </p><p>The chain reaction was complete. The entire Best Friend Squad was now crying and rapping. It was the epitome of ‘disaster gays’, even if two of them were bisexual.</p>
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</div>After four missed turns, Glimmer putting on Vroom Vroom and screeching at Bow to “floor it bitch!” - which he did not do, the man drives like a grandma - and a weird cycle of crying and laughing, the chaotic trio finally arrived to the apartment.<p>The moment Adora walked through the door, GlimBow pounced. </p><p>“Alright, we are no longer avoiding the fucking elephant in the room Adora, and there is absolutely <i>no way</i> you are getting out of this conversation.” Glimmer proclaimed, gently guiding Adora to the couch.</p><p>“Seriously! There was just too much tension at tryouts to ignore, and that’s not even including the standoff y’all had. You’ve been off all day, and as your therapists-” Bow paused at the pantry, looking at Adora from across the room and mustering his best glare, ”Since you <i>deny</i> to get a real one, you are legally obligated to tell us what all that was.”</p><p>Glimmer walked out of the closet, so many blankets stacked up in her arms that she couldn’t even see. Adora was sort of impressed. “Adora, we <i>need</i> the tea. I’ll literally like, die, or something, without it.”</p><p>“I require the <i>sustance</i> that only good tea will give me.” Bow skipped over from the kitchen, dumping his armfuls of snacks onto the table in their living room.</p><p>“Didn’t we just...eat?” Adora quirked her eyebrow up as she spoke. She was used to the routine the trio had developed when it was emotional conversation time - they always turned the living room into a massive fort, turned on a happy folk music for background noise, and stacked up on snacks and drinks - but they never had it <i>after</i> eating out. </p><p>“We will need it. Deep convos are <i>so</i> exhausting, and I think this is the deepest we’ve gone with your emotionally stunted ass.” Glimmer muttered the last part of her sentence as she set up the speaker, upbeat guitar flooding the apartment right after she finished speaking. </p><p>“I- What?! I, I am <i>not</i> emotionally stunted!”</p><p>Bow and Glimmer paused their prep work, both giving her a look. </p><p>Adora huffed, knowing damn well she wasn’t gonna win this one, nor get out of it. Grabbing two of the blankets Glimmer brought out, she began cocooning herself on the center of the couch, awaiting her impending emotional doom. </p><p>After a couple of minutes passed, all prep work was done and GlimBow sat on both sides of her, cocooned in a similar fashion, looking at Adora expectantly.</p><p>“Okay...so, where do you want me to start?” The blonde sighed, burrowing more into her blankets. </p><p>“Who is Catra?” Already, a very loaded question from Bow that Adora had no clue how to answer. </p><p>“Who is...Catra? I...she...okay.” Adora paused, taking a deep breath and formulating her thoughts, before continuing. “Catra crashed into my life when I was eleven. Like, <i>literally</i> crashed into me. We were both at the same soccer field, and didn’t see each other while running to the goal, and <i>BAM</i>, we slammed into each other.” Adora laughed softly at the memory, nostalgia and...feelings flooding her as she spoke. “It was actually really funny, cause one of the first things she told me was to basically ‘shut the eff up and play soccer with me.’ And, well, I did. I didn’t really have friends or anything back then, cause like, I just talked a lot and about things that were considered ‘weird’ and stuff, and I was new in town. It was right after Light Hope and Mara adopted me. So, having this person my age want to play with me? It didn’t matter how mean she sounded - I was just ecstatic to have the opportunity.”</p><p>“After that day, we were inseparable. We were in separate classes that year, but every year after, one of us was always switching our schedule around to be with the other. Like, at the beginning of each school year we even started doing a coin toss to figure out who was gonna switch their schedule around for who. And, I mean, we lived in the same area, and liked the same things, so there was never any reason to separate. Catra also just, came over to my house <i>so much</i>, and we had more sleepovers than I could count on like, 20 hands.” </p><p>“Catra is...well, <i>was</i> my best friend in the world. I couldn’t get enough of her. Neither of us fit in with other people, at least at the beginning, and so all we really had was each other. And I was completely fine with that, because Catra was just, all I ever needed. She...completed me, I guess? She was my biggest motivation on the field, and really...is the reason I started loving soccer so much. Playing with her or against her was a thrill that I just, can’t really describe? And like, on the field, we were definitely powerhouses separately, but <i>together</i>? We were unstoppable. She’s a, uh, forward, and I’m a striker obviously, so we were always supporting each other on offense runs. We would always absolutely <i>obliterate</i> the other team in score, and half the time, the other team would end up having to literally forfeit in because we were just <i>that good</i> together. Catra and I...we knew each other’s movements and thoughts front to back on the field.”</p><p>“And, and, off the field? God. She just… I love my moms so much, but… okay, uh, I, uh, used to be in the foster system, and it like, <i>really</i> screwed me up, and even at my moms house I was always on edge. It obviously got better over time, but there was still just, that constant fear that something was gonna go wrong, and bad things were gonna happen, and...yeah. But, with Catra? I never felt that. She was mean, and she was always getting in fights, and talking back to the teachers, and just doing so much <i>dumb stuff</i>, but she just, just, made me feel so <i>safe</i>, you know? When I was around her, I always felt so warm and secure, and like I could be myself, and like I could talk about anything with no consequences, and I...had never felt that before. Catra, she...she was my home. She was my everything, back then. And then, she...she left, as you guys know. And now, she’s back. My… my home, my protector, my everything, is <i>back</i>.”</p><p>When Adora finishes her rant, she’s crying. Sniffling, presses her hands to her face and takes deep breaths, rubbing away her tears to the best of her ability. When she’s done, she opens her eyes and glances at Glimmer and Bow’s faces, both of them...also crying? The chain reaction really never failed. </p><p>Continuing her exercise of deep breaths, she nestled herself deeper in the couch, directing her gaze to the ceiling to give Bow and Glimmer time to process and probably silently communicate about what to say. She needed her own processing time, anyways. </p><p>That was the most Adora had talked about, or even let herself <i>think</i>, about Catra, and it was exhausting. The pang in her chest had returned with a vengeance, but there were… other feelings swirling around inside of her. Nostalgia, definitely some sadness, anger, and… a familiar feeling of warmth, that she hadn’t felt to such intensity since Catra left. It irritated her to feel that warmth. </p><p>Catra had hurt her so badly. She was… she was supposed to be mad. She was supposed to <i>hate</i> Catra - just the thought made her stomach twist - and she was supposed to stay that way. That’s how people dealt with other people leaving, right? Especially when said person disappears without a single fucking word, after making you feel like you’re the world. So why the hell was that feeling back, after all these years? And why did it comfort her so much? </p><p>Before Adora could continue on her negative spiral, desperately trying to understand her dumb emotions, she felt both sides of the couch shift. Bow and Glimmer were now sitting up more, and directing their sympathetic gazes onto her.</p><p>“So...she’s your ex?”</p><p>What?</p><p>Adora’s mind immediately broke as she stared at Glimmer in shock. </p><p>“What the- no! She was just my best friend! We were, were, just! Friends! And that’s it! What? Hahahaha?! NO! Nonononono! Seriously! Why would you - what in the <i>world</i> gave you that idea? Huh?” The blonde immediately scrambled, her voice raising an octave as she felt herself panic. Why was she so defensive? What? It wasn’t like, anything romantic ever happened between the-</p><p>Oh. Wait.</p>
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</div><b>[March 30th, 15 years old]</b><p>It was a party. An after party for one of Adora’s soccer games, hosted by a teammate whose parents were out of town. It should have been a small gathering, but apparently word had spread about an empty house, and now the house was bursting with people. The entire block probably reeked of alcohol and weed from just how <i>much</i> was there.</p><p>Music pulsed through the house, bodies colliding every other second, and Adora was freaked the fuck out. The blonde had looked away for <i>one second</i> and Catra was gone, and now she was lost in an ocean of bodies in what was supposed to be a living room. She could feel the slow creep of panic coming up on her, it’s icey hands stroking up her spine and putting an iron grip on her lungs. </p><p>She couldn’t <i>believe</i> she got herself in this situation. Adora didn’t go to parties. That was a known fact, but the one time Catra convinced her to go to a supposedly ‘small party’, <i>this happens</i>. If she wasn’t so focused on trying not to hyperventilate, she would’ve been pissed. </p><p>Before she could lose control of herself though, a hand wrapped around her wrist, and Adora almost jumped out of her skin, completely prepared for the worst. It took her a second to register the hand on her though, recognizing the feel of claws and a thin layer of fur against her skin.</p><p>Whirling around, she was met with a familiar pair of hypnotizing eyes. Catra was back, holding a red solo cup of...something.</p><p>“Get me out of here.” Adora muttered, shifting Catra’s grip on her until they were holding hands. The only indication that the magicat heard the blonde was a twitch of her ears, and Adora was about to repeat herself - maybe she hadn’t been loud enough? - before she was being dragged through the massive crowd of people. </p><p>Adora couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief, tension she hadn’t realized was there releasing from her body as she let Catra lead her away. She knew Catra would take care of her. </p><p>After a few minutes of following Catra, they finally made it up a staircase, and into an empty bedroom. Stepping in after the magicat, Adora closed the door and locked it, before leaning back and sliding down the door. She was exhausted.</p><p>“You good, ‘Dora?” Catra’s voice was slurred - that explained where she had disappeared to. </p><p>“Not really. Just...too many people. Ya know? Actually, you do know how I get, so you...would know. Yeah.” The blonde began playing with her hands, another nervous indicator of hers, as she rambled. Although the tension and panic was gone, an underlying feeling of anxiety was still fighting within her.</p><p>Of course, Catra could tell that. The magicat always read her like a book. So, with just a nod of understanding, she sat down next to the blonde, both of them now leaning against the door, and slipped her hand back into Adora’s.</p><p>“I gotchu. Sorry for leaving you alone - a football boy with too much testosterone needed to be knocked down a peg at beer pong.” She smirked cockily, taking a sip from her drink. Adora couldn’t help her gaze focusing on Catra’s lips, and the way her throat bobbed with the sip. The blonde gulped, ignoring the blush that creeped up on her, instead snapping her gaze away.</p><p>Little moments like that were happening more than Adora was comfortable with. Moments where Catra was just so...Catra, that the blonde felt, something. She didn’t exactly <i>what</i> it was, but it was definitely something.</p><p>“Did you wipe the floor with him? If you didn’t, I’ll be severely disappointed.” After her mini mental freak-out, Adora shifted her gaze back to Catra, meeting those same hypnotizing eyes. </p><p>“Are you kidding me?! Of course I did. I destroyed him <i>so hard</i> that I started having to take his drinks for him. I’m too good.” Catra laughed, and Adora’s heart fluttered. </p><p>“Oh yeah?” Adora had a single drink earlier, and it was still affecting her. Her head was now fully turned towards the magicat, eyes flicking around to each feature of her best friend. Drinking her in. Their faces were close. It didn’t mean anything. </p><p>“Ohhhhh yeah! I’m too powerful - we’ve established this.” Catra’s smirk grew into a full on dopey grin. She had leaned in closer while talking (her eyelashes were really long). She must’ve been really, really drunk (Adora wanted to count all the freckles on her cheeks).</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, but I’m still more powerful. I could’ve prolly destroyed you at beer pong.” They were closer. Friends got this close, right? </p><p>“You sure ‘bout that, ‘dora?” Catra hiccuped near the end of her sentence, but didn’t move away. She got closer. They were too close now. Maybe this was mo-</p><p>“Yeah, I’m just too powe-” Adora was cut off by a pair of lips crashing into hers.</p><p>They were kissing.</p><p>Catra was kissing her. </p><p>‘<i>Oh my god.</i>’</p><p>The blonde had completely frozen up, her entire body rigid. Before she could melt into the kiss - something they always talked about in books - or just, do <i>anything</i> she had imagined about when it came to this, it was over. Catra’s lips were gone, and her eyes were wide. </p><p>Panic. Regret. Anger. Those were the three emotions that Adora could make out of Catra’s expression, and she wanted to slam her head into a wall. </p><p>“Sorry, uh, that was a, mistake,” Adora’s ears began buzzing with static at that word, “Um, I’m just. Really drunk. Forget that ever happened.” Catra was now standing, looking everywhere but Adora.</p><p>She didn’t know how, but Adora felt like this was all her fault. She was a mistake. Catra would never feel… <i>that</i> way to her, and to ever think so would be idiotic. </p><p>Pulling out her best acting abilities, Adora smiled and nodded. “Don’t worry! Haha! It happens. Let’s get back to the party, yeah?” Adora stood up and unlocked the door - and then sprinted away without looking back. </p><p>The static in her ears was getting louder. Hopping down the stairs at two at a time, she took a sharp right and slipped into the bathroom, shutting the door with a slam and locking it. She immediately crumbled, “mistake” looping in her head as she sobbed.</p><p>She hoped to God that Catra was too drunk to remember anything in the morning. Then, they could really forget anything had happened. Adora could go back to pushing down her feelings, and Catra could go back to being just her best friend that she <i>obviously</i> had no romantic feelings for. </p><p>It was better that way.</p>
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</div>As the memory came flooding back to Adora - one she had apparently done a very good job at repressing - her already red face started practically <i>glowing</i> red.<p>“Adora, sweet, innocent Adora, are you...sure that you guys were just friends? Like, I don’t really want to pry, but like, that does <i>not</i> sound like how you would talk about someone who was just your best friend.” Bow asked gently, his eyes so stupidly understanding that it made Adora want to start screaming right then and there. </p><p>“Also Adora, it’s completely valid if not, because we are literally <i>all</i> gay here. And we all know you’re a disaster. AND, anyone with eyes can see how hot Catra is, like, seriously, and there is no way in <i>hell</i> that woman is straight.” Glimmer wasn’t wrong. At all. Adora still hated it.</p><p>“I really wouldn’t be surprised if something...happened, in that locker room, if you know what I mean.” Bow wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, but before Adora could even <i>try</i> to process that, Glimmer cut in.</p><p>“So did you tap that?”</p><p>“Glimmer! Don’t ask it like that! You’ll break her again!”</p><p>It was too late. Adora was broken. She was dead. Her soul had just flew all the way the gates of heaven, and then got sent right back down to Hell because of how <i>gay</i> her thoughts were and Jesus deemed her a sinner. </p><p>The blonde sunk further into the couch. Adora set her eyes back on the ceiling, and tried her best to come back down to Earth. </p><p>“We were...just friends.” Adora managed to mutter, albeit weakly. Her soul was slowly coming back down to her body. Maybe she would survive this conversation.</p><p>“Okay, but like, even if y’all didn’t put a label on it…” Bow started, glancing towards Glimmer.</p><p>“It <i>totally</i> sounds like the kinda homoerotic “in love with your best friend and y’all kissed like once and never talked about it again and then the friendship ended in a disastrous way with absolutely no closure” troupe almost every gay person experiences in their childhood.”</p><p>That was it.</p><p>GlimBow killed Adora.</p>
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</div>Fifteen minutes - of Adora basically astral projecting - later, Glimmer and Bow finally shake her back to reality. They had been tag teaming methods to try and bring her back from the dead for the entire time after realizing their mistake - they didn’t seem to regret it very much though, they had been giggling the entire time like the evil gremlins they were - and had finally settled on a combination of lightly slapping her face and shaking her shoulders aggressively.<p>Taking a deep breath, Adora burrowed further into her blankets, pulling part of it up into a hood that swallowed her. </p><p>“I can’t believe you guys.” Adora muttered, a blush spreading across her cheek out of pure embarrassment for that whole reaction. She really shouldn’t have <i>such</i> a massive reaction about something that wasn’t even that big of a deal. She and Catra weren’t a thing. Ever. Just besties. Why would she care what other people thought? Bow and Glimmer just didn’t <i>understand</i> how they were. Yeah. That made more sense. </p><p>On the topic of those two goblins, they snickered next to her. Her head snapped to one side, and then flipped to the other as she tried her best to muster an intimidating glare at her two best friends. Considering their laughter just got louder, it apparently wasn’t intimidating enough. The blonde sighed, reaching towards the table and grabbing a drink.</p><p>“Okay, okay…” Another little giggle. “Sorry! Sorry! Okay, so now we know who Catra is and all that jazz. But, the biggest question is, what happened in that locker room?” Bow was back to being all supportive and innocent and it made Adora want to punch a wall. She had to talk <i>more</i>? About emotional things? </p><p>This really was an awful day. </p><p>Letting out another exasperated sigh, she gave them a quick rundown. The panic attack, Catra calming her down, the fight, and her leaving first. As she spoke about it, Adora finally started to process the words - and suddenly, a feeling of dread overwhelmed her to the point that she paused near the end of her story, blue eyes wide as saucers.</p><p>A handful of words stuck out suddenly, as Adora thought back to the entire conversation with Catra. Words that she had been too angry to process. Catra had said “abused” and “living on the streets”. </p><p>How could she not have realized it? All of the signs were there. Every single <i>fucking</i> one. The bruises on Catra that she’d push off to just be from her getting in fights with people. The acting out. Her callous nature. The fact she was <i>always</i> at Adora’s, and Adora was never allowed there. How Coach Weaver would be so cruel to Catra at practices - always berating her for the smallest mistakes, and sometimes even when the magicat had done a flawless run. </p><p>Adora’s best friend had been abused and she didn’t even realize it until two years later. How stupid and oblivious could she be?</p><p>The blonde was snapped out of her thoughts <i>literally</i> when Glimmer flicked her in the head, now leaning into her space.</p><p>“You got stuck in your head again. What’s up, Adora? What do you need? If you can’t talk about anymore, then that’s like...completely okay. We’ve talked about a lot tonight, and we’re both really grateful you opened up finally. I know how hard it is for you.” Glimmer’s usual abrasiveness was gone, her demeanor now soft and caring. It filled Adora’s heart, and when she glanced towards Bow, he looked the exact same. </p><p>“Also, before you answer that, I’d like to say that your feelings are! 100%! Valid! No matter what you’re thinking, or what happened between y’all two, you are allowed to feel negatively about it. You were really hurt, and you are allowed to be angry and upset about it. We will support you through it all, Adora. Catra did a shitty thing, and no matter her reasons, it was an arguably shitty thing. Let yourself feel it.” Bow added, gentle patting Adora’s back as he did so. </p><p>Adora really loved her friends. </p><p>“I...I appreciate that a lot. Thank you so much, both of you. I think I’m spent tonight, but we can maybe talk about it on a different day? We also really need to get to sleep soon, since try-outs continue tomorrow.”</p><p>“Alright, sounds good! But before that...Best Friend Squad hug!” Adora got no warning before she was tackled in a bear hug on both sides, all three of them breaking into laughter. </p><p>They stayed like that, giggling and hugging, for a couple of minutes, before finally unwrapping from each other and heading towards their separate beds. All three of them were a lot more tired than they thought, so all clean up of their emotional support fort would be reserved for the next day, and the only thing they did before leaving to their bedrooms was turn off the music. </p><p>The moment Adora entered her bedroom, she was ready to completely collapse. Quickly stripping and slipping into pajamas, she dove onto her bed head first, and just laid there, trying to process everything that happened that day. The bed shifted as Swiftwind came to join her, laying down next to the blonde and giving support the best he could. The only indicator that Adora had even noticed him amongst her mess of thoughts was her bringing up her hand and settling it on his back, running her fingers through his fur as she just let everything release.</p><p>She was crying within 30 seconds tops. </p><p>Adora didn’t know what the cause was, exactly. She just felt so...overwhelmed by everything, that she needed a good cry in privacy, away from prying eyes, and with no need to restrain herself. When she thought about the fact she had cried three times today in front of three people, the soft crying grew into sobs. Really, every single thought escalated her tears and her muffled sobbing. She felt completely suffocated from everything, and all she wanted as a moment of peace - but she wasn’t going to get that. It wasn’t like she could sleep. </p><p>Rolling onto her back, Adora set her eyes to the ceiling, following any pattern as could make out as her mind roamed. </p><p>Sleep was one of the things that never came easily to Adora. She had too many thoughts and emotions to let out at night for sleep to come to her, and the few times she was able to sleep for a good amount of time, she was always plagued by nightmares of all her worst fears. She had tried sleeping medication after sleeping medication, but nothing ever seemed to help her crippling insomnia. Every night she got about two to three hours of sleep, tops, but in the blonde’s eyes, that was <i>fine</i>. It was like a little nap, and it kept Adora from being too exhausted, especially when she drank caffeine consistently throughout the day. </p><p>If anything, her insomnia helped her. It gave her access to more hours to study and get her homework done, and just, time to do everything she didn’t have time to during the day. She was able to analyze soccer strategies, read, find more music, let out her emotions without anyone knowing, and it was just...useful, contrary to Bow and Glimmer’s belief. </p><p>It also fed the small part of her that was out to make her suffer. The part that fueled everything she did - the need for perfection that had been instilled in her for years. It gave her more time to be perfect, to make <i>herself</i> perfect. All together, in Adora’s obviously very rational mind, the pros heavily outweighed the cons.</p><p>Tonight would definitely be the worst of it. As Adora let out all her tears, finally processing the fact that Catra was <i>back</i>, and being reminded of so many memories that broke so many of the ‘repressed emotions’ bottles in her head, she already knew that sleep would not come tonight. If she got even an hour of sleep, she would be lucky.</p>
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</div>Adora got thirty minutes of sleep.
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hope you enjoyed, and if you did, leave a kudos or a comment!! And if you didn’t like it, constructive criticism is ALWAYS welcome since again, i am very very rusty. Have a great day/night! :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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